是幻影托马斯 Los Phantomas.
Oh!
胡安？ Juan?
路易斯？ Luis?
帕布罗！ Pablo!
Oh...
不，不，不，拜托！ No, no, no, please!
不，不，不！ No, no, no!
看，那有钱，再看看你身边的这些毒品 Look, there's money. Look at all the drugs around you, man.
咱们可以做买卖 我们能让你们变得富有！ We could do business. We'll get you rich!
你们在干什么？不 What are you doing? No.
停下，不，你们在干什么... Stop doing that. No, what are you...
不，不，听着，这儿有很多钱 No, no. Look, you got all this money around, man.
不，不... No, no...
他是我的猫，伊格雷西亚斯 He's my kitten, Iglesias.
拜托，求你们，不，别伤害他，拜托 Please, please. No, don't hurt him. Please.
不，不，不 No, no, no.
那是我的宝贝，伊格雷西亚斯，不，不 That's my baby, Iglesias. No, no.
他是只猫，你知道 He's a kitten, you know.
大家都喜欢小猫猫 Everybody likes baby kittens.
对吗？ Right?
你知道，也没那么糟啊，是的 You know, it's not so bad, yeah.
拜托，不，听着，我消失 我消失，求你们了！ Please, no. Look, I'll go away. I'll go away, please!
求你们了，不！ Please, no!
不许动！警察！ Freeze! Police!
立刻放下武器！ Drop your weapon now!
举起手来！ Show me your hands now!
趴下，趴下！ On the ground. Get on the ground!
快点趴下！ Get on the ground now!
片名：基努猫
（古博利尔·布鲁金斯队！）
呼叫雷尔 Call Rell.
正在呼叫雷尔 Calling Rell.
嘿，伙计！ Hey, Cuz!
老天，你还活着啊 Oh, my gosh. You're alive, man.
你好吗？最近怎么样？ How are you? How you doing?
什么都已经没有意义了 Nothing makes sense anymore.
你没事吧？ Are you okay?
梅西和我分手了 Maisie broke up with me.
太好了！终于 Yes! Finally.
伙计，真遗憾 Oh, buddy, I'm sorry.
怎么了？为什么？ What happened? Why?
我不知道 I don't know.
她说我没前途 She said my life wasn't going anywhere.
我想说，这他妈的到底是什么意思？ I mean, what the fuck does that even mean?
嘿，你知道吗？我现在就过去 Hey, you know what? I'm gonna swing by right now.
不！ No!
克拉伦斯，我不想让你看见我这副样子 Clarence, I don't want you to see me like this.
我现在就像阿波罗魔头 I look like Apollo Creed.
《洛基》第几部？ Which Rocky?
就他死了的那一部 The one where he died.
天呐，好吧，好 Oh, boy. Okay. All right.
等着，我马上就到，好吗？ Hang on, I'm gonna be right there, okay?
好 Okay.
Oh!
有什么能帮你的？ Can I help you?
嘿 Hey.
给 Here you go.
来吧，喝一点 Go ahead. Drink some.
这只是牛奶 It's just milk.
我发誓，看 I swear, look.
对了 There.
你喝是因为我也喝了 You just drank it 'cause I drank it.
噢，你一定饿坏了 Oh, you're so hungry.
什么？ What?
好吧 Okay.
不，不，不，你得洗个澡 No, no, no, you need a bath.
好，待着别动 All right, just stay there.
好了，咱们得走路 All right, we're gonna have to walk.
雷尔，会好起来的 Rell, it's gonna be okay.
我知道你现在不想听这些 Now, I know you don't want to hear this right now,
但是一切事物的发生都是有原因的 but everything happens for a reason.
你说的对，克拉伦斯 You're right, Clarence.
一切事物的发生都是有原因的 Everything does happen for a reason.
我想让你见见 I want you to meet
基努 Keanu.
什么？ What?
不 No.
我的天呐！ Oh, my God!
那真是我这辈子见过的最可爱的东西 That's the cutest cat I've ever seen in my life.
你好！抱歉，基努？ Hello! I'm sorry, Keanu?
- 是的 - 好吧 - Yeah. - Okay.
我记得它在夏威夷语中 是“凉爽的风”的意思 I think it means "cool breeze" in Hawaiian.
（2星期后） 宝贝，抱歉这周末不能陪你们了 Honey, I'm sorry I can't come with you guys this weekend.
我有太多家务要做了 It's just I've got all that stuff to do around the house.
我知道，宝贝，没关系的 I understand, honey. It's fine.
我要把节水马桶给安装好 I got the low-flow toilet to put in.
这周末，我只希望你帮我个小忙 I just want you to do me a little favor this weekend.
- 好 - 我希望你能试着放松一下 - Yeah. - I want you to try and relax.
好，明白，没问题，什么意思？ Right. Got it. Absolutely. What do you mean?
就是，你有时候太过紧张了 Well, sometimes you can be a little wound up.
紧张？我怎么会紧张呢？ Wound up? How am I wound up?
你没听懂，你没听懂 You're not hearing me. You're not hearing me.
你花了太多时间去努力成为那个 You spend so much time trying to be the person
- 大家都希望你成为的那个人 - 好吧 - you think everyone wants you to be. - Okay.
而我只希望你做克拉伦斯 And I just want you to be Clarence.
好，行，如果那是你想要的，那... Okay, great. If that's what you want, then--
- 但是，你看，这就是我想说的 - 不，不，不 - But, see, that's what I'm saying. - No, no, no.
我是说，那就是我想要的 所以，我也会那么做 I mean, that's what I want, so that's what I'm gonna do.
深呼吸，准备好了吗？ Deep breath. Ready?
就... Just...
Ah!
放松肩膀 Loosen up your shoulders.
真是卿卿我我我的一对啊 And what's crack-a-lacking, beautiful people?
嘿，斯宾塞 Hey, Spencer.
汉娜，照旧，探望一下 Hannah. A vision, as always.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
- 给我吧 - 好 - Give me that. - Okay.
- 克拉伦斯，握个手吧 - 斯宾塞 - Clarence. Give me some skin. - Spencer.
没问题，伙计，想要几个手都行 You got it, brother. That's all the skin you get.
贝尔在哪？ Where's Belle?
宝贝，我去帮你叫，贝尔！ Oh, honey, let me get her for you. Belle!
- 她们真要好 - 是啊 - Them's some pipes. - Right.
我们的女儿就是腻不够啊 Our daughters just can't get enough of each other, huh?
我想说，女儿，对吗？ 养女儿是最棒的 I'm tellin' ya. Girls, right? Raising girls is the best.
- 那还用说，是啊 - 是啊 - I tell ya, yeah. - Yeah.
- 嘿，好了 - 谢谢 - Hey. Here we go. - Thanks.
嘿，知道吗？等你们回来的时候 Hey, you know what? Maybe when you get back,
咱们可以看谢琳·伍德蕾的新电影 we can see that new Shailene Woodley movie, huh?
克拉伦斯，你这样我很尴尬 Clarence, you're embarrassing me.
- 我的错 - 她糗到你了，她糗到你了 - My bad. - She got ya. She got ya.
- 好了，行了 - 走吧，孩子们 - There we go. There. - Let's do it, kids.
姑娘们，系好安全带 Get your seatbelt on, young ladies.
好了，行了 Okay. We got this.
亲爱的 Oh, honey.
真的该走了，伙计们 Really got to go, guys.
好了，宝贝 All right, sweetheart.
好吧，对了 All right. Okay.
迈卡怎么不在？ Uh, where's Micah?
很不幸，我漂亮的新娘 让我替她说声抱歉 Oh, well, unfortunately, my beautiful bride sends her apologies.
这周末她来不了 She can't make it this weekend.
她食物中毒了 She's got food poisoning.
不会吧 - Oh, no. - Oh!
是啊，真可怜，她整晚都在 喷射性地呕吐 Yeah, poor thing. She was up all night just projectile vomiting.
还有其他的 - Oh! - And more.
你知道，那些恶心的细节 我就不和你们说了 You know. I'll spare you the gritty details.
- 谢谢 - 是啊 - Thanks. - Oh! Oh, yeah.
我指的是腹泻 And diarrhea is what I'm talking about.
是的 - Right. - Oh.
好吧，这么说，迈卡不在咯？ Great. So, no Micah, then?
是的，这周末迈卡不在 No. No Micah this weekend.
行，行 That's okay. That's okay.
太糟了，太糟了，但是... That's too bad. It's too bad. But, uh...
- 没事 - 好吧，那行，好 - It's fine. - Okay. Well, yeah.
注意安全 Take care.
- 玩得开心 - 我们会的 - And have a good time. - We will.
好 Oh, yep.
- 拜，宝贝 - 安全驾驶，拜，贝尔 - Bye, honey. - Drive safe. Bye, Belle.
注意安全，伙计们！玩的开心啊！ Take care, guys! Have a great time!
Ah!
猫咪登场！ Here's kitty!
不，不能从那穿出来 No, you don't want to go through there.
听着，你就待在里面，好吗？ Look, you just want to stay in there, okay?
她刚刚找到了你的手稿 而你为此变得很残暴 She's just found your manuscript and you're ferocious with that.
所以，你就待在那，对 So, you're gonna stay right there. Yeah.
雷尔？ Rell?
寻找空间，那里面！ Just find the space. In here!
嘿 Hey.
哇，你又开始工作了 Wow, you're working again.
那是什么？ What is that?
- 这是12月 - 12月？ - This is December. - December?
是的，做日历用的 Yeah, for the calendar.
我没跟你说日历的事，看看吧 I didn't tell you about the calendar. Check it.
日历？ The calendar?
Oh!
- 好吧，这太棒了 - 谢谢 - Well, this is amazing. - Thanks.
像这样的，你可以拍一打啊 You could make a bundle on this.
是啊，我知道 Yeah, I know.
我是说，我并不打算卖 I mean, I'm not gonna sell it.
这是个人和家庭专用的 - Oh! - It's for personal use only. And family.
好吧，谢谢 Oh, well, thank you.
不，我不想那样开发基努的可爱 No, I wouldn't want to exploit Keanu's cuteness like that.
好吧 Okay.
（《核艇风暴》现在）
（《终极豪情》8月） 你现在很高产啊 You have been very productive.
我知道，对吧？ - I know, right? - Um...
是啊，知道吗？ Yeah. You know what?
这部电影还有20分钟播出 This movie's in about 20 minutes.
- 你准备好走了吗？ - 是的，好的 - Are you ready to go? - Uh, yes, okay.
过来，伙计 Come here, buddy.
今天做的很棒，你真的很出色 Good job today, man. You did really good.
我要把基努放进他的小窝里 I'm gonna put Keanu in his little nook.
哦，他还有个窝？ Oh, he has a nook?
他当然有窝了，所有人都有自己的窝 Of course he has a nook. Everyone has a nook.
好了，嘿，伙计 Okay. Hey, buddy.
家庭会议 House meeting.
没有你，我什么都不是 I'm nothing without you.
同时，我不在家的时候 And at the same time, I need you to clean up
我需要你把自己的小领地 清理干净，可以吗？ your little area while I'm gone. Is that cool?
- 待会儿见 - 好了 - I'll see you soon. - Okay. Good.
说再见 Uh, say goodbye.
你跟我一起走啊 You're coming with me.
对，好，当然，抱歉 Right, yeah, of course. I'm sorry.
再见，基努 Uh, goodbye, Keanu.
好 Cool.
好了，咱们待会儿聊 Now, we'll talk about it later.
好了，拜，嘿 Okay. Bye. Hey.
弄死那个婊子！ Get that bitch!
弄死她！弄死她！ Get her! Get her!
弄死她！对！ Get her! Yeah!
这部电影让我很激动啊 I'm psyched for this movie, man.
那是你和梅西的合影吗？ Is that a photo of you and Maisie?
是啊，我是说，曾经是 Yeah. I mean, it was.
（电影院） 真是太棒了！年度最佳影片！ That was amazing! Movie of the year!
没错，那是我这辈子看过的 连姆·尼森演的最棒的电影了 That is, like, the best Liam Neesons movie I've ever seen in my life.
- 连姆·尼森的最佳作品 - 易如反掌 - Best Liam Neesons movie ever. - Hands down.
那部电影完全让我沸腾了！ I'm, like, jacked up from that movie!
好了，冷静，冷静 - All right, settle down. Settle down. - Whoo!
真是开启周末的好办法 你明白吗？ What a way to start a weekend, you know what I mean?
太棒了，因为现在 That's good, because now,
我现在把那些“为了我”的事都给忘了 I've got all that "doing me" stuff out of the way,
等到了明天，我可以割草坪 and now tomorrow, I can mow the lawn,
- 结清我的账单 - 嘿，嘿 - I can get my bills done. - Hey. Hey.
考虑到你“为了你”，你现在一定觉得 再也不想和我一起 You don't think that going and seeing a Liam Neesons movie with me right now
看连姆·尼森的电影了 counts towards you doing you.
- 什么？这就是我为了我啊 - 不 - What? That is me doing me. - No.
我想看那部电影 汉娜是绝对不会陪我去看的 I wanted to see that movie. Hannah would never go see that with me.
这只是开始 It's just the beginning.
这周末，你还有其他打算？ You have something else planned for the rest of the weekend?
现在，咱们要去我家 We're gonna go to my house, right now.
抽点大麻 We're gonna smoke some weed.
不，雷尔，汉娜会... No, Rell. Hannah would--
很喜欢，汉娜会很喜欢 Will love it. Hannah will love it.
你根本不了解我妻子 You don't know my wife very well.
我非常了解，她是个女人 I know her well enough to know that she's a woman,
而女人都喜欢坏男人 and women like bad boys.
你凭什么给我这样的建议？你很坏吗？ Who are you to give me this advice? Are you bad?
我指的不是卷起袖子，拿着AK 扫射蠢蛋 I mean, I'm not saying I roll up, fuckin' with my AK, poppin' fools.
不，你不会这么做 No, you're not rolling up,
因为那样会需要一份驾照 because that would require a driver's license,
- 而你作为一个成年人，却还没有 - 行 - which you, as a grown man, do not have. - Fair enough.
所以，就不会有卷起袖子 拿着AK的那种事了 So, there will be no rolling up with AK's or anything else.
我没有驾照是因为我是纽约人 But I don't have a driver's license 'cause I'm from New York City.
纽约，宝贝 NYC, baby.
对，那个踹我的人 Where, yeah, the dudes that kicked my ass...
- 怎么？ - 比那天踹你的混蛋 - Yes? - ...were bigger than the dudes
块头要大的多 that kicked your ass, motherfucker.
我是底特律人，底特律公立学校制度 I'm from Detroit. Detroit public school system.
不可能，我敢保证那个踹我的人 Impossible. Guaranteed the guys who kicked my ass
比踹你的那个人块头大2倍 更恐怖2倍 were twice as big and scary as the guys who kicked your ass.
- 不可能 - 我保证 - No way. - Guaranteed.
- 不可能 - 我保证
- 好，那... - 我保证 - Fine. So- - Guaranteed.
最后一次也不放过 You have to get the last one.
行吧，我不在乎，我才不管... Do it. I don't care. I'm not getting into a...
不可能 No way.
你为什么觉得我应付不来自己的事？ What makes you think I can't handle my business?
我一切都办妥了，好的很 I've got it all on look. I'm good to go, drawg.
好的很，伙计 I'm good to go, dude.
乔治·迈克尔在压低声音 George Michael is holding it down.
- 看，你在跟着它律动 - 我没说... - See, you just grooved on it. - I'm not saying--
你刚是这样... You just went...
我没说这首歌不好 I'm not saying it's not a good song.
我是说咱们应该听听这首歌 I'm saying we should be listening to this.
你在干嘛？你没事吧？ What are you doing? You all right?
干嘛呢？ What is that?
走吧，条条（条子） Yeah. Roll on, po-po.
抱歉，不 I'm sorry, no.
在你和警察微笑并招了手之后 You don't get to say, "Roll on, po-po" like that
你不能说“走吧，条条” after you just smiled and waved to the police.
他也不想，不是吗？ He ain't want none, did he?
雷尔？什么意思？ Rell, what does that mean?
见鬼，下雨了？ Oh, snap. Is it raining?
这儿是洛杉矶，雨一会儿就停了 Well, it's LA. It'll stop in a minute.
怎么？你那么矫情 So, what? You're so hardcore,
怕被雨淋湿？ you're just, like, afraid of a little rain?
你家门怎么开着？ Why is your door open?
基努 Keanu.
基努！ Keanu!
雷尔！ Rell.
雷尔！ Rell!
很遗憾 I'm sorry.
（基努）
不 No.
不！ No!
真的很遗憾，伙计 I am so sorry, buddy.
不！ No!
听着，警察已经来了 Listen, the cops are here now.
他们会处理的，好吗 And they're gonna take care of it. Right.
他们是专业的 They're professional.
他们会认真对待这种事的 They take this kind of stuff seriously.
《核艇风暴》，很不错 Crimson Tide. Good one.
这些照片很不错啊，你拍的？ These are good. You take these?
那些只是照片而已，留着吧 - They're just pictures. - Keep them.
你觉得有可能查出这是谁干的吗？ Do you think there's any chance you might find the guys who did this?
不可能 Hell no.
大部分入室行窃的人 从来都没被抓到过 In most burglaries, the guys are never caught.
Oh, um...
你知道，也不是完全没可能 You know, there might be a chance.
我也希望我能帮上忙 I wish that I could be more help.
抱歉，但，我得收回那条毯子 I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to take that blanket back.
Oh.
这个很臭 This sucks.
你确定他是被偷的吗？ Are you sure he was stolen?
这些人通常不会偷宠物的 These guys don't usually take pets.
通常，他们都是找毒品 或是能卖了换毒品的东西 Usually they're after drugs or something they can sell for drugs.
我们会关注那只猫的 We'll keep an eye out for the cat.
多谢 Thank you very much.
保重 Take care of each other.
瞧，这很有希望啊 See, now that's promising.
也许基努会回来，也许他会... Maybe Keanu will come back, or maybe he'll...
雷尔？ Rell?
你去哪？ Where are you going?
胡尔卡家 Hulka's house.
胡尔卡是谁？ Who is Hulka?
我的大麻贩子 My weed dealer.
什么？ What?
你就住在大麻贩子家对面？ You live across the way from your weed dealer?
咋了，老弟？ Oh, sup, sup, bro?
嘿，胡尔卡，这是我堂哥，克拉伦斯 Hey, Hulka. This is my cousin, Clarence.
- 你好 - 干嘛？ - Hello. - Sup?
好吧，要么进来要么出去 All right, in or out.
我可不能让门一直开着 明白我的意思吧？ Can't leave the door open, you know what I'm sayin'?
还有，别把这个搞坏了 And don't fuck up all this shit.
我正在搭一辆摩托车 I'm building a motorcycle.
我之所以来这... So, the reason I'm here--
- 好吧，听着... - 不 - Okay, look-- - No.
这是上好的以亚麻荠为主的杂交菌株 This is the perfect sativa-dominant hybrid strain.
它叫斯波尼·吉 It's called Spoonie Gee.
好，这很棒，但我不是为了大麻来的 Great. This is all great. I'm not here for any of that.
我来是因为我家被抢劫了 I'm here because my place got broken into.
见鬼，真的吗？ Oh, shit, you serious?
伙计，这就太糟了 Oh, man, that suck a thick donkey ball.
他们偷了什么？ What'd they get?
他们抓走了基努 They got Keanu.
- 见鬼，那个小家伙？ - 是的 - Oh, shit. The little guy? - Yeah.
操，很遗憾，老弟 Oh, fuck, man. I'm sorry, bro.
好，那么... Okay. So...
谢谢 Thank you.
我有一首治疗伤感的歌 I got an anti-sadness strain in here.
- 叫《走在阳光里》 - 不，不，我不在乎 - It's called Walking on Sunshine. - No, no. I don't care.
不，我不是来这买大麻的，伙计 No, I'm not here for weed, man.
我只是来这问你几个问题，比如 I'm here just to ask you some questions. Like,
这几天，附近有没有什么可疑的人 has anyone shady come by here in the last couple of days?
我是说...那个... Well, I mean... Well, um...
你知道，我在这做专业营运 You know, I run a professional business here.
从来没有顾客给过我差评 I never had a dissatisfied customer.
我不知道，你这样问我真的很为难 I don't know, it's a real fucking quandary.
也许就是来你这买大麻的人干的 Maybe it's someone that you're selling all of this marijuana to.
对，也可能是那些本来想来你家 入室抢劫的人干的？ Yeah. Or maybe it was somebody who thought they were breaking into your house?
对，听着，伙计 Oh, yeah. Look, bro.
我坦白告诉你吧 I be real with you, okay?
我现在嗨的不得了 我甚至都不确定你是真实的 I'm so fucking high right now. I'm not even sure you're real.
我觉得，我这是在哪？ I'm just like, where am I?
这些蛾子是从哪来的？ Where did all these eels come from?
该死！ Oh, shit!
不，不，不 No, no, no.
不，不，不 No, no, no, no.
胡尔卡！ Hulka!
到底有谁会想闯进你家？ Who the fuck would want to break into your house?
布利普帮的人 The Blips.
伙计，布利普帮 Man, the Blips.
布利普帮？ The Blips?
他们是被血帮和瘸子帮 踢出去的那些人 These are the guys that were kicked out of the Bloods and the Crips.
布利普帮 The Blips.
血帮，瘸子帮，布利普帮 Blood-Crips, Blips.
我已经开始卖更强力的玩意了 I've started getting into selling some heavier shit,
而当你在卖药性更强的玩意时 and when you're selling the heavier shit,
就会产生纠纷，明白吗？ turf becomes a thing. You know?
所以，是的，我是说 17号街的布利普帮 And so, yeah. I mean, the 17th Street Blips,
他们的确告诉过我 they did tell me, you know,
他们会闯入我家，“搞砸我的东西” they gonna break in and "fuck my shit up."
但...我是说，这并不算铁证 But... I mean, that's not, like, concrete proof.
17号街的布利普帮，好，他们在哪？ The 17th Street Blips. Okay, where are they?
17号街啊 17th Street.
说具体点！ Be specific!
伙计，听着！我害你丢了猫 Dude, look! I get you lost your kitty-cat,
但你们这些蠢货别以为我就是老鼠 but y'all some dumb fucks if you think I'm gonna be a rat.
我可不是什么小喽啰 会被你们这些书呆子威胁！ I ain't some punk-ass bitch who's gonna be intimidated by y'all nerds!
- 你... - 书呆子？ - You... - Nerds...
对，没错，你就是个书呆子！ Yeah, that's right! You a fuckin' nerd!
- 你在干什么？ - 你以为我在干什么？ - What you doing? - What do you think I'm doing?
见鬼！你他妈的疯了吗？ Oh, shit! You fucking crazy?
不，别弄坏我的德拉！ No, not my De La!
对，你的德拉在我手里，婊子 Yeah, I got your De La now, bitch.
胡尔卡？没事吧？ Hulka? Is everything okay?
老妈，现在没空！ Mom, not now!
老兄，别 Bro, no.
混蛋！ Oh, you fuck!
这是什么？ What's this?
不，不，不，别弄坏大师 别弄坏大师，求你了！ No, no, no! Not Grandmaster. Not Grandmaster, please!
告诉我！ Tell me!
好，好，他们在一个叫性感泼妇的 脱衣舞俱乐部里 Okay, okay! Dude's at a strip club called Hot Party Vixens.
好吗？但是这家伙，他们的老大 Okay? But this dude, their leader,
他叫切达，他是个心狠手辣的混蛋 his name is Cheddar, and he is a bad motherfucker.
你最好别去惹他 You don't wanna mess with him.
伙计，你的猫丢了 Dude, you lost your cat.
你只是猫丢了 You lost your cat.
走吧，雷尔 Come on, Rell.
我们明早再想办法 We'll figure something out in the morning.
这事没完 It's not over.
（大腿舞，全天自助餐饮） 好吧，就是这了 All right, this is the place.
性感泼妇俱乐部 Hot Party Vixens.
HPV（宫颈癌） HPV.
这名字真触霉头 That's unfortunate.
听着，我们到吧台去 Check it. We're going to approach the bar.
然后解释清楚情况 Then we are going to explain the situation.
- 不，不，不 - 对 - No, no, no. - Yeah.
你说要去解释清楚情况 See, you're talking about explaining the situation.
胡尔卡说这个切达是个疯药贩子 Hulka said this is a crazy drug dealer named Cheddar.
所以呢？ So?
切达有什么可怕的？ What's so scary about "Cheddar"?
切达是一个精神病的名字 Cheddar is a psychopath name.
除非你可爱，你才会给自己 起一个可爱的名字 You only name yourself something adorable if you can back it up.
- 我不觉得这有问题 - 这很关键 - I don't think that's a thing. - That's a thing.
如果你见到一个叫 粉红兔子头的家伙 If you meet a guy named Fluffy Pink Bunny Head,
他会用刀刺你的眼睛 he will stab you in the eye.
我确定这个叫切达的 对钱会通融的 I'm sure that this Cheddar guy is gonna be reasonable about money.
如果有必要，我们就把基努赎回来 And, if need be, we will just buy Keanu back.
不，不，不能那样，快点，就... No, no. Not like that. Come on, just...
什么，这个？ What, this?
对，竖起领子 - Yeah, pop the collar. - Uh...
- 好了吗？ - 好了 - Okay? - Yeah.
只有孩子们会这么干 It's what the kids are doing.
并不是 Not really.
不过，没关系 But okay.
- 准备好了吗？ - 好了 - Ready? - Yeah.
哇！ Wow!
上帝已经给了你一张脸 你为什么要改变它？ God gave you one face. Why would you change it?
不，克拉伦斯 Nope, Clarence.
我真的无法理解 I just don't understand that at all.
- 不，不，不 - 不什么？ - No, no, no. - No, what?
不，这是个坏主意 No, this was a bad idea.
你的猫不是在这吗？我们需要找到猫 Isn't your cat here? We need to get the cat.
- 嘿，宝贝 - 哈喽，你好吗？ - Hey, baby. - Hello, how do you do?
天呐，好吧 Oh, dear. Okay.
我... I'm, uh...
我受宠若惊，谢谢 I'm flattered. Thank you.
但我已婚 But I am married.
不 No.
谢谢 - Thank you. - Oh...
你拿走的是我的婚戒 You just took my wedding ring.
不，不，不，我们在这 我们在这，你很好 No, no, no. We're here, we're here, you're good.
麻烦你，一杯啤酒 One beer, please.
我要白葡萄酒... I'll take a white wine...
先生，刚才那个小姑娘 拿走了我的婚戒 Sir, that young lady just took my wedding ring,
- 所以我在想... - 没事 - so I'm wondering... - It's all right.
- 不，不，克拉伦斯，克拉伦斯！ - 好了 - No, no. Clarence, Clarence, Clarence! - Yeah.
你不能那样说话 You can't talk like that here.
- 好吗？ - 我不能怎样说话？ - Okay? - I can't talk like what?
你听起来就像理查德·普赖尔 在模仿一个白人 You sound like Richard Pryor doing an impression of a white guy.
我才不像理查德·普赖尔 在模仿白人一样 I do not sound like Richard Pryor doing an impression of a white guy.
“我才不像理查德·普赖尔 "I do not sound like Richard Pryor
在模仿白人一样” "doing an impression of a white guy."
你的语气一直都像约翰·利特尔 You sound like John Ritter all the time.
恕不同意，黑鬼 Well, I beg to differ, nigga.
黑鬼，直接说了黑鬼 N-word. Went straight to the N-word.
- 对，对，我说了 - 不可思议 - Yeah. Yeah, I did. - It's not authentic.
因为人们平时就是这么说话的 克拉伦斯 Because that's how real people talk, Clarence.
不，我可没遇到过 No, it is not in my experience.
- 大家就是这么说话的 - 拜托，拜托，你错了 - It's not how people talk. - Please, please, you're wrong.
你明白吗？大家都明白 那个词的历史意义 You understand? People understand the historical significance of that word,
你不可以 and that you can't just say it
随意地，毫无责任感地说出来 shiftlessly with no responsibility whatsoever.
完全错误，百分百错误 Absolutely wrong. 100% wrong.
听着，这就是人生 Listen, this is life.
听我说，别嘘我 You listen to me. You don't shush me.
你们俩黑鬼没走错地方吧？ You niggas in the right place?
对，我们来对地方了，黑鬼！ Yeah, we in the right place, nigga!
你来对地方了吗，黑鬼？ You in the right place, nigga?
这些黑鬼是什么人？ Who the fuck are these niggas?
我们是什么人？ Who the fuck are we?
我们谁不是？ Who the fuck aren't we?
你俩今天想找死？ - Oh! - Are you trying to die today?
不 Nah.
我们不是想找死 We ain't trying to die today.
我这么跟你说吧 Let me break it down right quick.
你们要带我们去找切达 Y'all gonna take us to Cheddar,
然后再问怎么，什么时候 and then we can start nailin' down the hows and whens
哪来的，还有... and wherefores and...
为什么的问题 Whys.
我有提为什么吗？ 还有为什么的问题，混蛋 Did I not mention the whys? The whys, too, motherfucker.
- 听着，老乡 - 对，伙计 - Well, look here, homeboy. - Yeah, dude.
你们现在已经在布利普帮了 You in Bliptown now,
规矩不是你们说的算 and you don't make the rules.
切达说了算 Cheddar does.
在没过我这关以前 你们见不到切达 And you don't meet Cheddar until you meet me.
明白了？ You feel me?
所以，你们俩黑鬼到底是谁？ So who the fuck are you niggas?
黑鬼 Nigga...
黑鬼，黑鬼... Nigga, nigga...
- 告诉她，伙计 - 黑鬼 - Psst. Tell her, man. - Nigga...
我是技术狂 I'm Techtonic.
- 不错 - 谢谢 - Nice! - Thank you.
那你呢？ What about you?
我叫鲨鱼坦克 My name is Shark Tank.
好吧，听着，技术狂和鲨鱼坦克 Well, look here, Techtonic and Shark Tank.
切达是个商人，他不接受访客 Cheddar is a businessman. He don't take drop-bys.
你觉得我们不是来谈生意的？ You think we don't mean business?
这是什么 And swam.
伙计，搜身 Why don't you search 'em, Bud?
来吧，伙计 Go on ahead, Bud.
这俩黑鬼有点钱啊 These niggas not strapped.
- 走吧 - 对，我们走吧 - Come on. - Yeah, let's come on, then.
怎样，混蛋？ What's up, motherfucker?
什么？ What?
慢着，嘿，切达 Chill. Hey, yo, Cheddar.
（尚宗获胜！）
老大，下次你一定会赢的 You'll get it next time, boss.
嗨C Hi-C.
这他妈的是什么？ The fuck is this?
我是技术狂 I'm Techtonic.
你好吗，切达？终于见面了 Sup, Cheddar? Finally.
- 他是鲨鱼... - 给自己拉皮条的国王 - He's Shark-- - The king pimp himself.
鲨鱼坦克 Shark Tank.
对，我们期待已久了，伙计 Yeah, I mean, we've been looking forward to this, dawg. Ha-ha!
聊聊民族文化 Talkin' about the H-N-I-C.
伙计 My man.
好吧 All right.
好 Yeah.
你知道，我有很多仇家 You know, I got a lot of enemies
都想走进这个屋子 往老切达身上开几枪 that would love to walk in this room and put a bullet hole in old Cheddar.
嘿！ Hey!
我们和你没仇，切达 We ain't got no beef with you, Cheddar.
没有吗？那现在呢，黑鬼？ No? How about now, nigga?
这枪很漂亮 That's a nice piece.
你应该拉上保险栓 You should keep the safety on.
知道吗？我明白了 You know what? I get it.
嗨C，这是怎么回事？ Hi-C, what the fuck is this, huh?
你给我带了俩混蛋黑鬼 想把我逗乐，对吗？ You bring me a couple of bitch-ass niggas as a joke, right?
- 什么？ - 我们？不 - What? - Us? Uh, no.
抱歉，混蛋黑鬼？ I'm sorry, bitch-ass niggas?
我说的对吗，泰克？ Am I right, Tech?
已经很久没听到有人这样叫我们了 It's been a long-ass time since we heard that.
- 是吗？ - 对，黑鬼 - Oh, really? - Yeah, nigga.
这个月我们杀了25个人 We killed 25 dudes this month, man.
如果你们是真的 So, if y'all so fuckin' real,
为什么我以前从没见过你们？ why ain't I never seent you before?
那个... - Well... - Oh!
那是因为... That's because...
我不知道 I don't know,
也许是我们不想被看见 maybe we didn't wanna be seent.
等等 Wait a minute.
你们是艾伦镇的黑鬼，对吧？ Y'all them Allentown niggas, ain't you?
- 我们？对 - 不 - Us? Yes. - Nah.
- 对，技术狂 - 对，什么？ - Yes, Techtonic. - Yeah, what?
黑鬼，对，我们是艾伦镇的黑鬼 Nigga, yes, we them Allentown niggas.
你什么毛病？ What the fuck is wrong with you?
这个黑鬼搞的好像 This nigga acting like
他得了健忘症，胡闹 - he got amnesia up here, fucking around. - Crazy.
该死 Shit.
你们为什么不早说，伙计？ Why didn't y'all say something earlier, man?
我们想隐姓埋名 We was tryin' to stay incognito.
你总得时刻保持警惕 You gotta keep 'em on their toes!
该死 Oh, damn.
过来，坐下，我们好谈谈？ Why don't y'all come over here, have a seat so we can talk?
好，行 Okay, yeah.
你知道 You know, uh...
我听说了迪亚兹国王教堂的事 I heard how it went down at King Diaz's church.
实在是太无情了 That was some cold shit.
你知道，我们就是这样 You know, man, that's how we do.
你知道，我们必须那么做 现在我们就这么做了 You know, we gets to do, 'now we do.
见鬼！ Oh, damn!
对，对，不用怕她 Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about her, man.
那是蒙大拿 That's Montana.
好吧 All right.
嘿，伙计，你知道 我也很喜欢蛇 Hey, man, you know, as much as I love snakes,
我想我们需要到卫生间去 I think we need to go to the bathroom real quick
尿一泡 and drain ours.
好样的，咱们的确应该去 Well played, yep. That's what we should do. Mmm-hmm.
看看是谁睡醒了 Oh, look who's up from their nap.
嘿 Hey.
猫很可爱 Cute cat.
是啊，这是我的黑鬼，新杰克 Uh, yeah. This is my nigga, New Jack, right here, man.
对，嘿，听着 Yup. Hey, but, look,
在你们跑路之前... before y'all go run off and do your little tinkle--
你从哪弄来的？ Where'd you get him?
在我看来 Seems to me,
一个精神正常的黑鬼 no stupid-ass nigga in his right mind
不会把一只猫打扮成那样 would let a cat like that go willy-nilly.
什么？ The fuck?
关于他，你想要多少钱？ How much you want for him?
他是认真的吗？ He serious?
事实上，是的 Actually, he is, man.
我们现在加入了黑帮宠物市场 所以... We in the market right now for a gangsta pet, so...
他不卖 Oh, well, he ain't for sale.
一切都有价 Everything has a price.
在宠物店是的 At a pet store.
但这不是宠物店，黑鬼 But this ain't no motherfucking pet store, nigga.
好吧，那太可惜了 Well, that's a shame.
呃... Um...
感谢你百忙之中抽空见我们 Thank you for sharing your time.
我说了 I said,
一切都有价 everything has its price.
好吧，见鬼 Well, shit. I mean, damn.
你们找错买卖了 Y'all drive a hard-ass bargain.
好吧，我马上回来 All right. Hey. I'll be right back, pimpin'.
我带你们去看点东西，来吧 I wanna show y'all something. Come on.
来吧 Come on.
我不知道你们都知道了 我们最近在搞什么 I don't know if y'all know what we slinging these days.
要命 Holy Shit.
要命，没错 Holy shit, indeed.
不，伙计 Nah, man.
那是它的名字，要命 That's what it's called, man. Holy Shit.
你们没听说过，是因为它是新出的 Only you ain't heard of it yet because it's new.
而我们是洛杉矶唯一拥有它的人 And we the only ones that got it in LA.
你们所看到的 What you're looking at
是五氯苯酚的混合物 is a cross between PCP,
摇头丸和二甲基色胺 MDMA and DMT.
我是说... I mean...
只有一点点，要命！ One puff of this, and holy shit!
感觉就好像... It's like you...
和上帝在一起抽大麻 Smokin' crack with God.
也许你们可以陪这俩笨蛋去兜售 So, uh, maybe y'all can accompany these fools on a run.
你知道，看看他们在艾伦镇 学到的本事 You know, show 'em how y'all get down over in Allentown.
你知道，事实上 Well, you know, actually, though, um...
- 你是说兜售？ - 对 - Like a run, run? - Yeah.
你们卖出去了 You do that,
我就把新杰克送你们 以表尊敬 I'll give you New Jack as a gesture of respect.
但是，不幸的是，我们... Wow. But, unfortunately, we-
成交 Deal.
成交，你们都听到了吗？ Deal. Y'all hear that?
他们会掩护你们 They gonna shadow you.
所以你们要确保听清了 他们说的每句话 So you make sure you listen to every word they say
并且奉若真理，明白吗？ and you take it as gospel, you understand?
但是动作得快，动作得快 But right quick, though, right quick, though,
切达，真的，伙计 Cheddar, seriously, man.
我刚在想究竟是怎么回事 I just was thinking about what's been going on.
最近，我们的行程满满当当，黑鬼 As recently, our docket is full, nigga--
同时，切达 And at the same time, Cheddar,
我能不能和我的同伴单独谈谈 if I can get a moment to discuss with my colleague.
我们走，我们走，我们快走！ Let's go, let's go, let's go, now!
你没必要装的那么像的 It doesn't have to be that hard.
我才不去卖毒品 我不能去贩毒啊，雷尔 I will not sell drugs. I can't sell drugs, Rell.
这是你的主意 This was your idea.
是你想来这的，伙计 You were the one that wanted to come here, man.
好吧，听着 All right, listen.
是你说我们是艾伦镇的黑鬼的 You were the one who said we were the Allentown niggas.
我不想犯法 I am not breaking the law.
这很简单，很简单，很简单！ It's easy. It's easy, though. It's easy!
- 什么简单？ - 我见过胡尔卡怎么贩毒 - What's easy? - I've seen Hulka do this.
他就站在那，大家都想买毒品 He just stands there. People want drugs.
我们只需要和他们吹嘘一下 We just feed them some bullshit about New Jack City,
然后就能得到基努了 and we just get Keanu.
我不想因为贩毒而危害家庭，好吗？ I'm not jeopardizing my family by selling drugs, okay?
- 或者 - 或者？ - Or-- - Or?
- 也许你会喜欢呢 - 什么？ - Maybe you'll like it. - What?
也许你会喜欢当坏蛋 Maybe you'll like being a bad motherfucker.
不，不 No, no.
- 你很擅长 - 什么？ - You're good at it. - What?
这是组建团队，这就是你擅长的 And it's just team building. This is what you do.
我不会因为贩毒而组建团队 I don't do team building for drug rings.
我只会为了合作... I do it for corporate--
- 听说过团伙作案吗？ - 那不一样... - Ever hear of corporate crime? - That's not--
- 你们准备好了吗？ - 好了 - Y'all ready? - Yeah.
好了 Yeah.
好，那走吧 Good. Let's go.
准备好了吗，鲨鱼坦克？ You ready, Shark Tank?
好了 Yeah.
我他妈早就准备好了，技术狂 I'm fuckin' ready, Techtonic.
（洛杉矶市）
怎么，怎么了？ Sup, sup?
谁找到归谁 Finders keepers, yo.
嘿，保持距离 Hey, keep your distance, yo.
不不不，明白我说什么吗？ No, no, no. Know what I'm saying?
不，别关门，不不不 No, don't shut that door. No, no, no.
我正要离开，所以... I'm about to leave, anyway, so...
好了各位 All right, y'all.
找大家来不是摆酷的 Gather 'round and whatnot.
说真的，在开始我们的工作之前 So, seriously, what's gonna happen now
我们要做的就是 before we get on this job, it's time for us to all
互相了解一些彼此 get to know each other a little bit better.
首先我们围成一个圈 We gonna go in a circle, first of all,
大家说出各自的名字 and everyone gonna say their name
还有关于自己的两件事 and then two things about yourself.
比如说 For instance.
我叫鲨鱼坦克 My name is Shark Tank.
我在高中是跨栏的 And I ran hurdles in high school.
我喜欢像这样拿枪 And I like to hold my gun like this.
那就是我 So, that's me.
我是技术狂 I'm Techtonic.
- 我曾用一颗子弹打中过两个人 - 牛逼 - I once shot two dudes with one bullet. - Blam.
我还是个影迷 And I went to a exclusive,
参加过《女巫布莱尔》的海选 early screening of The Blair Witch Project.
- 是吗？ - 是的 - You did? - Yeah.
我都不知道，看到了吧？ I did not know that. See?
那时候我们还不知道是不是真的 That was before we even knew if it was real or not.
没错，人们以为那是真的 That's right. People thought that shit was real.
继续啊，伙计们 Go on, nigga.
我是巴德 I'm Bud.
我在被妈妈们刺伤之后 就加入了帮派组织 And I got into gang bangin' after I got stabbed by my moms.
我们得知道关于你的两件事 I'm gonna need two things, though.
还有我外婆 And my grandma.
你知道的，家庭团聚有时候很疯狂的 Well, you know, them family reunions get crazy sometimes, man.
感谢你的分享，兄弟 Thanks for sharing, brother.
你好吗？我是"后备箱" Whassup? I'm Trunk.
我的左勾拳很生猛 I got a knock-out left hook.
Mmm-hmm.
我之所以叫这个名字 I got my name
是因为我有一次不小心 把车钥匙锁在后备箱里 because I accidentally locked my car keys in my trunk once.
- 这是我们中最好的 - 和一具尸体一起 - It happens to the best of us, dawg. - With a dead body.
好的 Okay.
是的，你知道 Yeah, well, you know,
后备箱这名字总比死尸要好 Trunk is a better name than Dead Body.
我们继续，你呢？ Let's move on. What about you?
是的 Yeah.
我是"缝线" Stitches.
然后呢？ And?
关于你自己的两件事？ Two things about yourself?
不，黑仔 Nah, nigga.
好的，你知道吗，鲨鱼坦克？ Okay, you know what, Shark Tank?
我想"缝线"用自己的方式 I think, in his own way,
分享了一些关于他自己的事 Stitches did share something about hisself.
是的，是的，是的 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 我们应该继续 - 是的，好的 - We should move on. - Yeah, okay.
我是嗨C I'm Hi-C.
首先，我不喜欢我不认识的黑人 First off, uh, I don't like niggas I don't know.
其次，我真的很好奇 Second, I'm real curious
迪亚兹教堂大屠杀 到底有什么内幕 about what exactly went down at the Diaz church massacre.
是的 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah.
好的 Okay.
现在我们都彼此了解了 Now we all know things about each other.
所以我们赶紧把事情做完 So, let's knock this job out real quick.
和街头的说法一样吗？ Was it really like the word on the street?
街头的什么说法？ What was the word on the streets?
大屠杀，上百人死亡 Blood bath. Hundred executions.
- 是的 - 是的，至少一百人 - Yeah. - Yeah, at least 100.
一百，一百零一 Hundred, 101.
然后你沿着墙跑上去 接着来了个后空翻 And you ran up the wall and did a back flip,
落地的时候还在打那些黑鬼 and came down and was still shooting niggas.
Mmm.
说的没错，一点也没错 Damn straight. Did that, too.
那就表演一下 Well, show us.
表演一下 - Hmm? - Show us!
- 空翻？ - 是的 - The flip, hmm? - Yeah.
我想我们都想看看 - I think we'd all like to see that. - Um...
好的，我先为大家 迅速解释一些事情 All right, let me explain somethin' to y'all real quick.
不是你们想的那样子 It ain't gonna be like you think.
切达已经告诉过你们 我们来这里不是为了... Cheddar already told y'all, we ain't here--
噢 Oh!
该死，黑鬼，你看到了吧？ Damn, nigga! You see that shit?
他做到了，他空翻了？ He did it. He flipped it?
他空翻了 He flipped it.
来击个掌，伙计 Bring it in right here, homie.
好吧 Whoo! All right!
刚才简直就像是黑耶稣 It's like black Jesus up in here.
那就是我说的 That's what I'm talking about.
我的天，我刚才空翻了，天啊 Oh, my God! I just did a flip. Oh, my God!
见鬼，简直太疯狂了 Shit! That shit is crazy.
所以下一次如果我们 告诉你们我们做了些什么 So next time we tell y'all we did somethin',
你们就最好相信 take our word that we did somethin'.
- 让我们看看你的本事 - 是的 - Now let's see you do it. - Yeah.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - Sorry?
到你了，伙计 Your turn, nigga.
今天只有他表演空翻 Only he's flippin' today.
今天只有我空翻 Only I'm flippin' today, y'all.
我们是轮着空翻的 We alternate flip days.
好的，今天的空翻全部由我负责 Okay, today's the day where I'm gonna be doin' all the flips.
你们今天看不到他做空翻 Y'all ain't gonna see him flip today.
明天才是我做空翻的日子 I'll flip the fuck outta that shit tomorrow.
是的 Ooh, yeah!
嘿 Hey.
我们改变一些话题 去做些真正的事情 Let's flip the subject and go flip some Holy Shit.
- 好吗？ - 说的没错 - Okay? - Hells yeah, dirt.
- 我们去办事 - 没错 - Let's take care of that. - Exactly.
我的车可坐不了这么多人 Yo, everybody won't fit into my car.
兄弟们，兄弟们 My brothers. My brothers.
拜托，就说你们想要什么吧 Come on, just tell me what you want from me.
听着，都是你们的，好吗？ Look, take anything. It's all yours, okay?
好吗？嘿，你们喜欢大麻吗？ Okay? Hey, y'all like weed?
给我松绑，我去给你们拿 Just untie me, I'll go get it for you.
该死，不 Fuck! No!
不，拜托，我什么也没做 No! Come on! I didn't do shit!
我不会... I wouldn't--
见鬼 Oh, shit.
我就是那只猫，对吧？ I'm the fuckin' cat, aren't I?
你们要那样对我 That's what you're gonna do to me.
我不怕 I ain't scared.
那只猫？那只猫... The cat? The cat...
你们要找基努？ You're looking for Keanu?
那只猫在"热辣狐狸精" 就是市区的那家脱衣舞俱乐部 The cat's at Hot Party Vixens. You know, that strip club downtown.
拜托你们别杀我 You guys, don't kill me.
我对嘻哈了如指掌 I fuckin' know everything about hip-hop.
鲨鱼，我无意冒犯，伙计 Yo, Shark, no disrespecting, now, man,
但你为何要开这么傻的货车？ but why you drive this weak-ass van?
如果你想被抓 那就去开装逼的车 You wanna get caught, go ahead, drive a little drug car.
但如果你不想被条子拦住 But you wanna never get pulled over again,
就开一辆低调的家用车 you drive a inconspicuous family vehicle.
做我们这行低调是最重要的 Inconspicuous, least hardcore,
比如那些足球妈妈 全职太太开的车 motherfuckin' soccer mom, Full House thing.
我们去哪来着？ Where we goin' again?
朝好莱坞山开就是了 Just head towards the Hollywood Hills.
到时候我会给你指路 I'll guide you from there.
谨言慎行 Wordness to the turdness.
到了 Here we are.
你来吗？ You commin'?
不了 Nah.
你行的 You got this.
不，去你的，你得一起去 Nah. Fuck that. You comin' with.
切达说过你会教我怎么做的 Cheddar said you was gonna show me how to do this.
是的，去吧，技术狂 Yeah, go ahead, Techtonic.
我要教这些家伙怎么把风 I'ma show these guys how to keep watch.
谢谢你，鲨鱼坦克 Thank you, Shark Tank.
一点也不客气，黑鬼 You're more than welcome, nigga.
快点，我们得把这事了了，伙计 Come on. We gotta get this over with, man.
别担心，宝贝儿 Don't worry about it, baby.
小菜一碟 Ain't no thang.
好好看，好好学 Watch and learn.
嗨 Hi!
你们来了 Ah! Yay! You guys are here!
终于来了 Oh, finally!
好吗？ What's up?
有人要药？ Somebody order some drugs?
是的，我的天 Yes! Oh, my God!
我当时正和这些人 I was just telling these guys
说着我在巴黎两个月的遭遇 about this job that I did in Paris for a couple of months,
然后一个家伙让我抽他的东西 and this guy, he let me smoke some of this stuff.
我对天发誓，那药太棒了 And I swear to God, this drug is insane.
美好的地方是 And the beauty is,
每一段旅途都是不同的 every trip is different!
能让我看看吗？ Ha! Can I please see it?
背包，背包 Ooh. Backpack. Backpack.
一个整洁的小背包 Got a neat little backpack.
好的 Yes!
我的天，好棒 Oh, my God, yes!
来吧，请请请，请坐吧 Come on, please, please, please! Come sit.
喝一杯，请坐吧 Have a drink. Sit down!
抱歉，我们得先看看钱 Sorry, we just want to see the money.
你瞧，唐尼 You see, Donnie,
有人不遵守游戏规则 some people don't respect the game.
什么游戏？ What game?
生活 Life!
生活就是他妈的游戏 Life is a fuckin' game!
唯一的问题就是 And the only real question is,
谁是玩家，谁是筹码？ who are the players and who are the pieces?
来吧，伙计们，我们一起嗨吧 Come on, you guys. Let's smoke some Holy Shit.
不不不 No, no, no.
我想我已经说的很清楚了 Thought I made myself clear.
我们没兴趣 We're not interested.
该死 Man, fuck!
来点音乐放松一下吧 Let's get some tunes goin' in this motherfucker.
- 来点音乐 - 音乐，好的 - Something, man. - Tunes, man, yeah.
是的，没错，看看这里有什么 Fuck, yeah. Let's see what we got here.
- 我知道你有好东西 - 实际上，不，我们... - I know you got some killer shit. - Actually, no, we...
什么？ What? Yo.
鲨鱼坦克，我的黑人伙伴 Yo, Shark Tank, my nigga. Um...
这是什么鬼？ What the fuck is this?
这是什么鬼？
噢... Oh...
该死，黑鬼们 Shit, niggas!
这是我最爱的 This my shit right here!
你最爱的？ This your shit?
这歌听起来是白人唱的 This shit sound kinda white.
- 白人？白人？ - 是的 - White? White? - Yeah.
黑鬼们，这是乔治·迈克尔唱的 Niggas, this is George Michael, right here.
知道吗？他是有史以来 最厉害的歌手 All right? This one of the greatest recording artists of all time, man.
这才是真正的原创音乐 This the real OG up in here.
那么 So.
他是黑人？ He black, then?
你知道，他的肤色比较浅 You know, he light-skinned.
他曾和一个叫维治利的黑人一起 And then, he used to roll with this nigga, Ridgeley.
是的 Yeah.
然后乔治·迈克尔 试着做一些私人的事情，对吧？ And then, George Michael was trying to do that solo thing, right?
然后 And then, wham!
然后就没有人再见过维治利了 Then nobody never see Ridgeley ever again.
他杀了那个混蛋？ He killed the motherfucker?
没人 Nobody
再 ever
给他 seen
播过 him
种子了 again.
见鬼 Shit.
我受够那家伙了 I'll fuck with that nigga.
我受够他了 I'll fuck with him.
- 嘿，嘿，你们 - 如果他还要说的话 - Hey, hey, y'all. - If he start that shit.
等着听他的下一张专辑 Wait till y'all hear this next track, though, dirt.
你知道 You know,
在武士时代 in samurai times,
拒绝 a refusal
在人的家中坐下 to sit at a man's court
会被认为是对其荣耀的严重侮辱 was considered a profound insult to his honor.
我是逗你的 Ha! I'm just fucking with you!
你该看看你刚才的表情 You should have seen your face.
我的天 Oh, my God.
太棒了 Oh, that was amazing.
Mmm.
疯狂 Crazy.
Whoo!
他要钱 The man asked for the money.
是的 Yeah.
蕾切尔，去拿袋子 Rachel, get the bag.
我不是你的奴隶 I'm not your slave.
去拿袋子 Get the fucking bag!
Ooh!
对了，我喜欢你出演的《校园兔女郎》 I loved you in The House Bunny, by the way.
- 谢谢你 - 不客气 - Thank you, man. - Yeah. Yeah.
你认识她？ You know this chick?
她是演员安娜·法里斯 It's Anna Faris, the actress.
她演过电影？ She's in movies?
《迷失东京》看过吧？ Lost in Translation?
《海难》？《鼠来宝》呢？ Chipwrecked? The Squeakquel?
《惊声尖笑》 Scary Movie?
你演过那个系列？ Oh... You in that movie?
《惊声尖笑》一到四部 Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 and 4.
没有拍第五部，太老了 Not 5. Too old.
Hmm.
但是足够了，足够了，够了 But, enough! Enough! Enough!
别再说好莱坞的事情了 我受够了这个话题 No more Hollywood talk. I'm so sick of this bullshit.
- 是的 - 我所关心的 - Yeah. - All I care about
就是真心话 is truth.
大冒险 Or dare.
真心话大冒险 Truth or dare!
是的，和声很棒 Yo, that chorus do kick in nice, though.
是的，对吧？是的，是的，我是说 It does, don't it? Yeah, yeah. I mean,
你们都听到了长者的部分，对吧？ y'all hear the father figure part, right?
因为我的那个伙计 Because, my man right here,
他的生活中没有积极的男性形象 he didn't have his own positive male role model in his life.
所以... So...
该死 Damn!
我从未见过我的父亲 Yo, I never knew my daddy.
- 真的吗？ - 是的 - Really? - No.
乔治·迈克尔太棒了 Man, George Michael the shit, man!
- 没错吧 - 太对了，伙计 - Right, dawg? - Right on, man.
喜欢那家伙 Love that man.
真心话 Truth.
你做过的 What is
最肮脏，最下流的事是什么？ the dirtiest, most fucked-up thing you've ever done?
Mmm...
你知道，你没必要... You know, you don't have to--
有个混蛋背叛了我的妹妹 所以我割了他的老二 This dude cheated on my sister and I cut his dick off.
Oh... Uh...
太棒了 Fuck, yeah!
就因为这事该给你钱 That is the kind of shit you should get paid for.
谢谢你 Thank you.
好的，到你了，同样的问题 Okay, your turn, same question.
最糟糕的事情？ Most fucked-up?
我割断过两个人的鸡巴 I once cut two dicks off.
是的，没错 Yeah, that's right.
他们根本没预料到会那样 They didn't even see it coming.
是偷偷做的 Snuck up on them.
干净利落 Got real close.
其中一人的很长，很细 很尖，跟铅笔一样 One of them was long, thin, pointy, like a pencil.
另一个比较短，较粗 The other one was short, girthy.
有几分重量 Had a little bit of heft to it.
摇摇晃晃的挺着 Got up in there lickety-split, snip, snip, yeah.
我把它们都割断了 I took them, too.
所以是的，我是鸡巴收割者 So, yeah, I'm a motherfuckin' dick-taker.
给鸡巴收割者300块 300 for the dick-taker.
好的 Okay.
- 那么，艾伦镇... - 什么？伙计，什么？ - So, Allentown-- - What? Nigga, fuck, what? Nigga.
跟我说说，那疯不疯狂？ Tell me about it, man. Was it crazy?
你肯定去过 Surely should have been.
是不是... Was it...
该死的，你可得坐稳了，伙计 Hells bells, hold on to your shells, nigga.
那太疯狂了，太疯狂了 Shit was crazy, shit was crazy.
我们每天过的都是那种 刀光剑影的生活 We was just dodging bullets on a everyday basis.
你知道的，就为了生存 You know, just for survival.
但你知道我和技术狂的长处 But, you know, the thing about me and Techtonic,
就是我们的沟通能力 is our communication skills.
那是我们团队合作的支柱 That's the backbone of our teamwork.
- 你懂了吗？ - 是的 - You feel me? - Yeah.
我懂了 I get that.
好的 All right.
你知道吗？ - You know what? - Mmm.
我从未跟你们说过 这个是怎么来的 I never told y'all niggas how I got this.
是被一个孩子刺伤的 因为我偷了他的玩具戒指 A kid stabbed me 'cause I stole his Ring Pop.
太可怕了 That's awful, man.
你当时多大？ How old were you?
23岁 Twenty-three.
好的，那么... Oh. Okay. Well...
是的，感谢你的分享 Yeah, thank you for sharing, though.
感觉很好 That felt good.
我也有一个，你们看看 I got one, too. Check it out.
好的，是的，我们看看 Okay, yeah. Let's see that.
大号铅弹 Buckshot.
在酒店时被打中的 Holding up a liquor store.
伙计 Oh, man.
他开枪打你，太疯狂了 And then he shot you, man. That's crazy.
不，其实不是这样的 Nah, actually, it made the news,
是我回到外婆家时被外婆开枪打的 and when I got back to my grandmamma house, she shot me.
好的，你知道的 你无须花那么多时间陪你的家人 Okay, you know, you need to spend a little less time with your family.
那就是我的建议 I'm gonna advise that.
- 没错 - 那么，你有什么？ - Hell, yeah. - So, what you got?
- 我？好的，让我... - 是的，是的 - Me? Oh, okay, let me, um... - Yeah, yeah.
拜托，伙计，你肯定有些东西 Come on, man. You got a bunch of shit, man.
- 在这里 - 你可别不好意思 - Here it is. - You ain't gotta be modest.
是一场街头打架弄伤的 A damn-ass street fight.
阑尾 Appendix.
太痛了... Blam...
你的阑尾？ Your appendix?
- 他们把它弄走了 - 什么？ - They took it out of my body. - What?
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
你们肯定不想知道 Y'all don't even want to hear about
我的智齿到底发生了什么 what went down with my wisdom teeth.
- 见鬼 - 该死 - Shit. - Damn.
真心话还是大冒险？ Truth or dare?
大冒险 Dare.
你为何选择大冒险？ Why would you choose dare?
Hmm...
我要你 I dare you
开枪打你的朋友 to shoot your friend.
你开玩笑 You jokin'.
她开玩笑 She's jokin'.
你知道她在开玩笑，对吧？ You know she's jokin', right?
我没开玩笑 I'm not joking.
这里有一万美金 That's $10,000.
什么？ What?
嘿 Hey.
让我们看看 Show us what it looks like
看到男人爆出的脑浆是什么样子 to see a man's brains explode.
嘿 Hey.
该死的，他不是我的朋友 Fuck it! He ain't my friend.
嘿，该死，哟，嗨C Hey! Fuck. Yo, Hi-C!
别让白人姑娘离间我们，嗨C Don't let white girl tear us apart, Hi-C.
这可是黑人之间的内斗 亲者痛，仇者快啊 This is fuckin' black-on-black violence. This is how it happens.
不要让安娜·法里斯离间我们 Don't fuckin' let Anna Faris tear us apart!
是的，快点，让我们看看 死亡是什么样的 Yes, come on. Show us what death looks like.
快点 Come on.
动手，动手，动手，动手 Do it. Do it, do it, do it.
动手，动手 Do it, do it, do it.
动手，动手 Do it, do it.
动手 Do it!
该死的 Fuck that!
你到底怎么回事？ The fuck is wrong with you?
拿好它啊 Get it, then!
- 什么？ - 拿钱啊，混蛋 - What? - Get the cash, motherfucker!
你打断了我的鼻子 You broke my nose!
看啊，看啊，看啊 Look, look, look!
你这该死的农民 You fucking peasant!
疯婆子 Crazy bitch!
给我回来，小温迪 Bring your ass here, little Wendy!
快点，我们走 Come on. Let's go!
让开 Move!
到后面去 Get in the back!
让开 Move it!
开车 Drive!
我得发动汽车 I gotta start the car.
你没事吧？ You good?
快点，开车啊 Come on. Drive!
我说了开车，混蛋 I said drive, motherfucker!
我在开，我在开 I'm going, I'm going.
- 系好安全带 - 快点，你们 - Seat belts and shit! - Come on, y'all.
你们在唱谁的歌？ What the fuck is y'all singing?
乔治·迈克尔 George Michael.
该死，别把车弄坏了 Shit, don't break the goddamn van.
- “缝线” - 不，不 - Oh, Stitches! - No, no.
你谁也打不中 You ain't gonna hit nobody.
来了 Oh, there it goes!
我们要继续下去 We still got this party shit
- 还是怎么的？ - 是的 - goin' on later or what? - Yeah.
我们很快就能下楼 We're going downstairs in a second.
什么也别担心 Don't even worry about that.
你该给我了吧 About time you passed that shit, eh?
事情是这样的，伙计，我... Here's the thing, man. I was, like--
就说一些...怎么了，伙计？ Just say some... Yeah, dawg?
鲨鱼坦克，能过来说句话吗？ Shark Tank, can I catch your ear for a second?
好的，伙计 All right, dawg!
待会继续 To be continued, y'all.
好的 All right.
- 我马上回来 - 好的，“缝线” - I'll be right back. - Okay, Stitches.
不 Nah!
我得告诉你伙计 I gotta tell you, man,
我过的挺嗨的 这些不是坏人 I'm having an amazing time, and these are not bad people.
克拉伦斯，克拉伦斯，他们就是坏人 Clarence, Clarence, they're bad people.
- 不，不 - 他们非常坏 - No, no- - They're very, very bad.
好的，我知道他们是毒贩子 Okay. They're drug dealers, and I get all of that--
听我说，听我说 Listen to me. Listen to me.
- 之前在大厦里 - 是的，是的 - In the mansion, earlier-- - Yeah, yeah.
嘿，鲨鱼 Hey! Shark!
鲨鱼坦克，过来 Shark Tank! Come here!
闭嘴，黑鬼 Shut the fuck up, nigga.
混账东西 Dumb motherfucker.
好的，我们就再喝几杯 Okay. We'll just have a couple more drinks,
然后就弄清楚切达在哪，对吧？ and then we'll just go see where Cheddar's at, right?
我从未出去玩过 从未出去过 I never get to go out. I never go out.
我在做汉娜要我做的 I am doing something that Hannah asked.
这是为了我的婚姻 This is for my marriage.
这些酒是为了我的婚姻喝的 These drinks are for my marriage.
谢谢你，非常感谢 Thank you. Thank you so much.
我无法告诉你我有多感激，好的 I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. All right.
鲨鱼，你最好快点 Shark, you better hurry up!
听着，黑鬼们 Listen up, niggas.
我们就要放完了 We about to be out this motherfucker.
你没事吧？ - Oh! - You good?
你刚才吓到我了 You got me on that one.
你没事吧？ You good, though?
是的，我很好 Yeah, I'm good.
你呢？ You good?
我也是 Yeah. I'm good.
刚才挺乱的，对吧？ Shit got crazy back there, huh?
你以前没见过杀人？ You ain't never seen nobody get killed before?
我？ Me?
是的，我见过杀人 Yeah, I've seen people get killed before,
但是是我杀人 by me.
我想说的是一般来说在艾伦镇 I was just trying to say that, usually in Allentown,
我们的生意做的更专业一些 we handle our business a little bit more professionally.
好的 Mmm-hmm. Okay.
你... You, uh...
你有想过洗手不干吗？ You ever think about gettin' out the game?
没有 No.
真丢脸 That's a shame.
我一直觉得女人不适合干这一行 I would imagine that it's a tough job for a woman to be here.
我不是那个意思 Not that you can't,
因为男人能做的事 女人也能做，但是... because a woman can do anything a man can do, but...
是的 Yeah.
你认为如果我不干了 You think if I get out the game,
黑人们就能对女人好点了？ niggas gonna stop thinkin' they own bitches?
我不是那意思 Well, I'm not like that.
不是吗？ You're not?
不是 Nah.
我向你保证，在某个地方 I bet you, out there somewhere
会有一个身份普通的混蛋 there's a non-gangster motherfucker
想要和你共度余生 that'd be real lucky to have you.
我是说... I mean...
你看起来就像是 You look kind of like
《狮子王》里面的母狮 the female lion in The Lion King.
娜娜 Nala.
你那样说真是疯狂 That's crazy that you say that,
因为那是我最喜欢的卡通片 because it's, like, my favorite cartoon.
- 是吗？ - 是的，而且我是狮子座 - Really? - Yeah, and I'm a Leo.
真没想到你知道 That's crazy how you knew that.
你肯定会读心术什么的 You must be psychic or somethin'.
Wow.
你不会想和我这样的人有什么关系 You don't want to get mixed up with a dude like me.
我是个流浪者 I'm a wanderer.
你是基佬 Oh, you gay.
- 不是 - 是的 - No. - Yeah.
你为何觉得我是基佬？ Why you think I'm gay, though?
我只是逗你的，伙计 I'm just messing with you, man.
我知道你不是 I know you not gay.
你怎么知道？ How do you know?
这是身为女人的直觉 I could tell you like girls.
很好 Good.
我要为之前的事谢谢你 I wanna thank you for earlier.
真的吗？ Really?
为什么？ Like, for what?
帮我杀了那些人 For helping me kill those people.
是的，我... Yeah. Well, I...
不，不，我... No. No. I...
我没帮助你杀人 I ain't help you kill them people.
是你自己做的 You did that on your own.
有点像是我们合作完成的 It's kind of like we killed them together.
不，我想这更像是你 把他们都杀了 Nah, I think it's more like you murdered them on your own.
但是没有你我就做不到 Mmm. But I couldn't have done it without you.
那就求同存异吧 Agree to disagree with that one.
我们一起杀了他们 We killed them together.
从法律的角度上讲 Well, legally speaking,
我没有帮你 I did not help you.
Mmm...
你没事吧？ You all right?
我不... I didn't...
你靠的有点近了 You was kind of close.
是的 Yeah.
我的膝关节中了一下 Got my trick knee.
不如我们去楼下继续？ Why don't we go ahead and finish this downstairs?
你要...我先去 Mmm-hmm. You wanna... I go first.
是的，来吧 Yeah. Go on.
来吧，你们，一起玩吧 Come on, y'all. Let's go to this party, man.
- 没错 - 你们都听到了 - Hell, yeah. - You heard her, y'all.
黑鬼们是来享受的 Niggas is in here caking and shit.
艾伦镇 Allentown!
Whoo!
对不起，可以借过吗？ Excuse me. Can I come through here for a second?
借过 Excuse me!
- 嘿 - 嘿，嘿 - Hey! - Hey, hey!
我们说好的只喝一杯 We said one drink!
嘿，但我们点燃了现场 Hey, but we're turning it out, man!
不是点燃，是炒热 It's not "turn out," it's "turn up"!
是时候低调了，伙计 And it's time to turn down, man!
嘿，嘿，嘿 Oh, hey, hey, hey!
好的，我知道了 Okay. I see what's going on.
你生气是因为他们喜欢鲨鱼坦克 You're just mad because they like Shark Tank
多过喜欢技术狂 more than they like Techtonic!
什么？不，不 What? No, no!
抱歉，我的人格太棒了 I'm sorry. I just have a lot of personality.
我不知道跟你说什么，兄弟 I don't know what to tell you, brother.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - What?
首先，我不在乎 First of all, I don't care
他们是否喜欢鲨鱼坦克 多过喜欢技术狂 if they like Shark Tank more than Techtonic.
他们是杀人犯 They're murderers!
好的 All right.
其次，他们不喜欢你 Second of all, no, they don't!
哟，坦克 Yo, Tank!
怎么了？ What up?
不 Nah!
哟，黑鬼，你好吗？ Yo, nigga, you aight?
告诉大鸟我很好 Word to Big Bird I'm aight, dawg. Blam!
好的，伙计 Aight, man.
嘿，“缝线" Hey, Stitches, man.
让我告诉你我们在 艾伦镇是怎么抽大麻的 Let me show you how we smoke weed in Allentown.
好的 Aight.
那才是我的伙计 他知道该怎么做 That's my boy, right there. He know how to do it right.
- 哟，鲨鱼坦克 - 怎么了，伙计 - Yo, Shark Tank! - Yeah, dawg?
到你了，伙计 Your turn, my nigga!
你知道的 Well, you know,
我更喜欢用烟斗抽 I'm more one of them pipe-smokin' niggas, you know.
你说烟斗？ You say a Pipe?
- 谢天谢地 - 是的 - Thank God. - Yeah.
非常感谢，先生，谢谢你 Thank you so much, sir. Thank you. Yeah.
我们开始了 Here we go.
是的 Yeah.
得加热，把它加热 Gonna heat it up. Heat it on up.
肯定会很美味的 Ooh. It's gonna be delicious.
耶 Yeah.
我差点忘了 Yo, I almost forgot.
（乔治·迈克尔） 这是我刚弄的 Just got this done out back.
哦... Oh...
- 该死 - 该死 - Shit! - Shit!
那是我这辈子见过的最棒的纹身 That's actually the best tattoo I've ever seen in my life!
同感，伙计，同感 Me, too, man. Me, too.
你要来点吗？ You want some, dawg?
不，我才不玩那个 Nah. I don't fuck with that Holy Shit.
你没事吧？ Yo, you all right?
- 嘿，伙计 - 救救他 - Hey, man. - Help him!
- 我的天 - 我的天 - Holy shit! - Holy shit!
我的天 Holy shit.
见鬼 Shit!
我的天 Holy shit!
好的，你没事，对吧？ All right. You doin' all right, right?
天啊 Holy shit.
我想我们该找个地方躺着 I think maybe we should go, like, lay down somewhere.
哟，黑鬼，你在漂浮 Yo, nigga, you floatin'!
我这是在天堂吗？ Am I in Heaven?
你是乔治·迈克尔 You're George Michael.
你是乔治·迈克尔 You're George Michael, man.
不，那是我最喜欢的歌 No. That's my favorite fucking song.
没错，我喜欢你这招 That's it. I like when you do that...
没错，我喜欢你那样抖腿 That thing. That leg thing. That's my jam.
不，我不能 我不可能旋转 Oh, no, I can't. There's no way I can spin.
不，我做不到 No, I can't do it.
什么？就这样 What? Oh... There it is.
太棒了 Oh, it's so good.
乔治 George.
我有信心 I have faith.
喂？ Hello?
Oh.
你好，克拉伦斯，是我 Hello, Clarence. It's me,
基努 Keanu.
喵 Meow.
等等 Wait.
你是... Are you...
基努·里维斯？ - Keanu Reeves?
是的 Yeah.
我是你的精神导师 I'm your spirit teacher.
除非你本身卓越 People can't be excellent to you
否则无法卓越 unless you're being excellent to yourself.
我不明白，那是什么意思？ I don't understand. What does that mean?
克拉伦斯 Clarence,
是时候醒来了 it's time to wake up.
从那之后的道路 是我留给你的选择 Where you go from there is a choice I leave to you.
好的 Oh. Right.
《黑客帝国》 The Matrix.
伙计，你要记住的就是... Dude, all you need to remember is...
噢... Oh...
我知道了 I get it.
我来拍一张 Oh, let me get a picture...
汉娜 Hannah!
嗨 Hi!
汉娜，宝贝儿 Hannah! Baby.
嗨，宝贝 Hi, baby.
我太想你了，宝贝 Oh, I miss you so much, baby.
你好吗？ How are you?
不好 Not good.
等等，你在哪？ Wait, where are you?
天啊，什么？ Oh, God. Oh... Huh?
什么？不，我和雷尔在外面 What? No. I'm just out with Rell.
我在干活 I'm doing me!
- 你在俱乐部？ - 是的 - Are you at a club? - Yeah.
事实上，这是一家脱衣舞俱乐部 In fact, it's of the strip club variety,
我从未去过那地方 and I've never done that,
我在享受很奇妙的乐趣 and I'm just having some really rugged fun, you know?
那么，你在脱衣舞俱乐部 享受奇妙的乐趣 So, you're at a strip club having rugged fun.
是的，不，不是那样的 Yeah. No, it's not like that.
这乐趣指的不是跟女人乱搞什么的 It's not about the degrading of women or anything.
我来这里是有理由的 I'm here for a very specific reason.
不，那听起来不对劲 And... No, that didn't sound right.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
这很复杂 It's complicated.
我明天向你解释 I'll explain it to you tomorrow.
但是我没做什么坏事 But it's all good. It's nothing bad.
好的，好的，随便吧 Okay. Okay. Whatever.
但是，宝贝 But, baby...
这就是你想要的，对吧？ This is what you said you wanted, right?
你说让我找乐子的 You said to have fun.
随便吧，克拉伦斯，随便吧 Whatever, Clarence. Whatever.
我只是觉得你不会出现在 脱衣舞俱乐部那样的地方 I just didn't think that being in a strip club was your thing.
是的，你知道...该死，我是说... Yeah, well, you know... Shit. I mean...
你认为什么样才算是乐子？ What'd you think my idea of fun was, right?
我的生活方式又不是什么秘密 It ain't like my fuckin' lifestyle is some secret.
你为什么那样跟我说话 Why are you talking to me like that?
- 那就去看看 - 什么 - See about it, then. - What?
我说你为什么那样跟我说话 I said, why are you talking to me like that?
我从没听你说过那样的话 I've never heard you talk to me like that before.
有时候我是这样 I mean... I talk like that sometimes.
好吧，行 Yeah. All right. Okay.
等等，怎么了 Wait, what's wrong?
这是你自己要的，对吧？ This is what you asked for, right?
没事，我没事，一切都好 Fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
我不想毁掉你的周末 I didn't want to ruin your weekend.
我只想告诉你 I just want you to know
斯宾塞有点不合适 that Spencer's been a little inappropriate,
我会明天早上就回家 不会等到晚上了 and I'm coming home tomorrow morning instead of tomorrow night.
不合适？ Inappropriate?
斯宾塞怎么会不合适？ Spencer was inappropriate how?
这么说吧，他让我不舒服 Let's just say he made me uncomfortable.
我现在不方便说这个 I can't get into it right now.
宝贝，我该走了 Baby, I gotta go.
你最好注意点自己，再见 You better behave yourself, too. Bye.
不，汉娜，求你别挂电话 No, Hannah, please don't hang up the phone.
能不能解释一下发生什么了？ Can you just explain to me what's going on right now?
汉娜 Hannah!
哟，这派对真疯狂 Yo, this party is crazy!
噢 Oh.
嘿 Hey.
你没事吧 You aight?
没事，兄弟 Yeah, nigga. Yeah.
你知道，女人 You know, just side bitch.
说句话 Word, uh...
切达在找你 Well, Cheddar wants to holla at you.
好 Cool, yeah.
我去跟他说你来了 I'll let him know you're coming.
那么 SO, uh...
嗨C跟我说你们不是什么好东西 Hi-C tells me y'all some bad motherfuckers.
还教了我手下几招 Even taught my goons some new tricks.
对，我们教他们在艾伦镇该怎么办事 Yeah, we taught them how we do things in Allentown.
好吧 Yeah, Well, um...
我明天有比大生意，我需要你 I got a big exchange tomorrow. I need you.
帮我确保不出问题，懂我的意思吗 Help keep shit 100. You know what I'm saying?
在那之后 After that,
- 这个新杰克就是你们的了 - 呃 - New Jack here is yours. - Um...
我想还是按最开始说好的办好了 I think we'd prefer to stick to the original arrangement.
懂我的意思吧 You know what I'm saying?
我知道了 Okay, I see.
坐地起价 Driving up the price.
好，1万加上新杰克 Okay, 10 G's plus New Jack.
不 Nah.
切达 Cheddar.
我们只要猫 We just want the cat.
鲨鱼坦克和我有点困了 Shark Tank and I, we getting a little sleepy.
困了？ Sleepy?
对，对，困了 Hell, yeah, nigga, we sleepy.
艾伦镇的黑人累的时候 And when them Allentown niggas get tired,
就得看点猛的东西 we gotta catch some Z's,
不然艾伦镇就会有点不好受 or else Allentown niggas get cranky.
2万 20.
一步到位 Straight up.
我知道你们不会拒绝2万 Now, I know y'all ain't gonna turn down 20 G's.
见鬼 I mean, shit.
就算按艾伦镇的标准 这也不是比小钱吧 That's a lot of money even by Allentown standards, right?
这个嘛 Well--
我来跟你说说艾伦镇的标准 Let me tell you about Allentown standards.
按照艾伦镇的标准 By Allentown standards,
黑人做生意 when a nigga make a deal,
就是黑人做生意 a nigga make a goddamn deal.
噢，鲨鱼 Ooh... Shark--
不会有任何人 And didn't nobody say nothing
说明天交货的事 about no exchange tomorrow.
所以我告诉你这事会怎么样 So, let me tell you how it's gonna go down.
你要把该死的猫给我们 You gonna give us our goddamn cat,
我们就会该去哪去哪，斯宾塞 and we gonna be on our goddamn way, Spencer!
呃，切达 Uh, Cheddar.
帮我把潘潘带到楼上办公室 Take pimpin' upstairs to the office for me.
- 给他点他喜欢的猫薄荷 - 嗯哼 - Give him some of that catnip he like. - Mmm-hmm.
你知道 You know, um,
也许，只是也许 maybe, just maybe,
花点时间考虑下我的提议 just take a little time to think about my offer.
我们不需要时间，我们不需要... We don't need time. We need--
时间很好 Time is good.
你需要时间，你也需要时间 We need some time. You need some time.
我们花点时间，你也花一点 We'll take some. You take some.
你在这想，我们去那想 You do it here. We'll do it over here.
- 你在干什么？ - 我在干什么？ - What are you doing? - What am I doing?
这家伙想间接搞我们 This motherfucker trying to side wind us.
你在干什么啊，泰克 What the fuck are you doing, Tech?
我不是泰克，我不是泰克，我是雷尔 克拉伦斯 I'm not Tech. I'm not Tech. I'm Rell. Clarence.
我现在就是这人格 Well, I was staying in character.
你突然成了丹尼尔·路易斯？不是吧 What are you, Daniel Day-Lewis all of a sudden? Come on, man!
听着，我跟汉娜通过电话了 Look, I spoke to Hannah on the phone,
- 她说那个斯宾塞做了什么 - 什么？ - and she said that Spencer did something. - What?
她不告诉我，她挂了电话 She wouldn't tell me, man. She hung up!
好吧 Okay...
要是她不说应该就不是那么糟糕 It can't be that bad if she didn't say.
你差点害我们被杀，好吗 You almost got us killed, man, okay?
听着，基努需要你 Look, Keanu needs you.
我需要你，我需要你 I need you. I need you.
- 好吗 - 好 - Okay? - Yeah.
好，那来吧 Okay. Then come on.
好，我很好 Okay. I'm good. I'm good.
好，我们去找基努 然后离开这 All right. Let's get Keanu. Let's get out of here.
好 Yes.
小心门，基努 Watch the door. Keanu!
基努 Keanu!
我说了我会照顾你 I said I was gonna take care of you.
我失败了 And I failed.
但现在我来了 But I'm here now.
把这拿掉 Get that off you.
我为你来了，伙计 I'm here for you, buddy.
我爱你 I love you.
好 Okay.
好了，走，直接走 All right, go, go, go. Just walk.
我现在懂了 I see. I get it now,
因为当我为自己挺身而出 because when I stand up for myself,
那意味着我也为汉娜和 贝尔挺身而出 that means I'm standing up for Hannah and Belle,
当我不为自己站出来 and when I don't stand up for myself,
我也没有为他们站出来 I'm not standing up for them.
克拉伦斯，你可以继续说 但现在我想我们赢了 Clarence, you can keep on talking, but just know, I think we just won.
噢 Oh.
天啊，你说得对 Oh, my gosh, you're right.
天啊，真是太奇怪了不是吗 Gosh, that was so weird, wasn't it?
我们就直接这么走出来了 I mean, we just walked right out of there.
饼干 Biscuits.
嘿，伙计 Hey, buddy.
嘿 Hey.
噢，操 Oh... Fuck me.
什么？ What?
噢，你知道吗 Oh, you know what?
看来你们不知道自己惹上了谁 Guess you don't know who you messing with
因为现在你们非常的不给面子 because you being crazy disrespectful right now.
嘿，要是你碰我的猫一根头发 Hey! If you fucking touch one hair on my cat's head,
我会杀了你 I will kill you!
- 救命 - 没事 - Help! - Never mind.
好了，好了 Okay, yes, yes.
放下来，把枪放下 Putting them down. Putting the guns down.
好，谢谢，谢谢 Yes, that's good. Yes, thank you, thank you!
- 嘿 - 谢谢 - Hey. - Thank you.
- 他们喜欢基努 - 好啊 - They like Keanu. - That's good.
我们也喜欢基努 We do, too. We like Keanu as well.
这里每个人好像都喜欢基努 Everybody here seems to like Keanu,
我们现在有共同点了对吧 so we can agree on that, right, guys?
嘿，我们是朋友 Hey, we're fun dudes. We're friends!
求你了，你想要什么 Please! What do you want from us?
- 天啊 - 操 - Oh, God! - Oh, fuck.
天啊，那些是小鸡巴吗 Oh, my God. Are those tiny penises?
不 No!
求你啊，主，那些一定是手指 Please, Lord, let those be fingers.
就是该死的手指，就是手指 They're fucking fingers, man. They're fucking fingers.
天啊 Oh, my God!
嘿，听我说，如果你让我们走 Hey! Listen, if you let us go,
我也许能帮你弄到 I might be able to get you visitor passes
参议院外交委员会的游客通行证 to a meeting of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee
如果他们不是开闭门会议的话 if they're not in a closed session!
天啊 Oh, my gosh!
成功了 That just worked.
我都不知道是怎么成功的 I don't fucking know how that worked.
我有朋友，我有朋友 I have a friend. I have a friend.
我有个朋友跟前总统候选人 A friend of mine went to grade school with the speechwriter
约翰·科里是小学同学 for John Kerry, a former presidential candidate.
天啊，好像成功了 Oh, my God. I think this is working.
- 不 - 这怎么会有效果 - No. - Why would this be working?
我想他们会折磨死我们 I think that they are going to murder us to death!
天啊 Oh, my God!
上帝救我们 Lord save me now, please!
操 Oh, fuck.
基努 Keanu.
不，那是什么？ No! What is that one?
- 你为什么这么做？ - 伙计 - Why are you doing this? - Buddy...
先生们，求你们了 为什么不能好好谈谈呢 Gentlemen, please, why can't we just talk about this?
就不能... Can't we just...
好，准备好了？ Okay, ready?
深呼吸 Just take a deep breath...
来吧混蛋 Get that bitch!
来吧混蛋 Get that bitch.
对，来吧混蛋 Yeah, get that bitch!
拿起来啊，贱人 Get that, bitch!
不，不是那把刀 No, not the fucking knife.
伙计 Man.
我是说... I'm saying...
我不知道自己在说什么 I don't know what I'm saying.
我不知道，等等，我想我们 需要更多时间 I don't know... Wait, wait, wait. I think we're gonna need more time.
再给我们点时间 Just give us a little bit more time.
先生，求你了 Sir, I'm begging you, please.
想一想，问问你的灵魂 Think about, dig in to yourselves, into your souls.
你为什么要做这样的事？ Why would you have to do something like this?
天啊 Please, no.
天啊 Oh, God. Oh, God.
天啊 Oh, my God.
干掉你了 I got you!
对 Yes!
好，好，天啊 Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!
好，太好了，雷尔 Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, Rell.
- 退后 - 谢谢，天啊 - Back up! - Thank you, God, for this!
退后 Back up!
好，我们赢了 Okay. Yes. We gotcha!
抓到你们了，混蛋 Fucking got you, motherfucker!
别动 Just don't move, all right?
我们要带上我们的猫离开这 We're gonna take our cat, and we're gonna be on our way!
- 如果你们不介意的话 - 基努 - If you don't mind. - Keanu!
- 基努 - 基努 - Keanu! - Keanu!
基努 Keanu!
放下...嘿，退后 Drop the fucking... Hey, back up!
你们干什么？别走 What are you doing? Stop moving forward!
站住 Stop walking!
别往前走 Stop walking toward us!
站住 Stay right there!
为什么朝我们走？ Why are you walking toward us?
嘿，退后，退后 Hey, knock it off! Knock it off!
我们会开枪把子弹打进你们身体里 We will fire these guns and shoot bullets into your body.
数到三，我们就开枪 Count of three. We gotta fucking shoot them.
我不能开枪，我不会杀任何人 I can't shoot them! I will not kill somebody.
- 克拉伦斯，我们必须开枪 - 我做不到 - Clarence, we gotta do it! - I cannot do it!
好吧，一 Okay, one...
我说了数到三 I said the count of three.
我知道，对不起 I know. I'm sorry.
- 我说了数到三 - 我听到你说... - I said the count of three. - I heard you say--
- 对 - 我听到了，天啊 - Yeah. - I heard it. Oh, my God!
我们杀人了 We've killed people!
我们？ Why "we"?
为什么是我们？不，是你的 Why "we"? No, you did it!
- 什么，不 - 我根本没开枪 - What, no! - I didn't shoot anybody.
好吧 Okay.
好吧，我们刚谋杀了那些人 Okay, we just murdered those people.
- 没事的，好了 - 好 - That's okay. All right. - Okay.
- 我们该走了，该走了 - 啊 - We should go. We should go. - Ah...
基努 Keanu!
这里，猫咪，猫咪 Here, kitty, kitty!
天啊 Oh, God.
猫咪 Uh... Kitty, kitty!
基努 Keanu!
还以为你们都死了 Thought y'all motherfuckers was dead.
连个道别都没有 Didn't say goodbye or nothing.
噢，还有我的猫，新杰克？ Oh, and my cat, New Jack?
我绝不会把他交给你们这样的黑人 The one I would never give up to two niggas like y'all?
他也走了 He was gone, too.
现在我知道了，就是你们 And now I see that you are, in fact,
在抓着新杰克 holding that nigga New Jack as we speak.
嗨C Hi-C,
拿我的猫 get my cat.
嘿，你们俩 Hey, hey, you two!
那是什么 What's that?
那个？ That?
只是有人躺在后备箱 That's just a nigga in the trunk, man.
你以为呢 What you think?
我们就是这样的 Because that's how we roll, motherfucker.
那是我们的车 That's our car.
我们经常把人放后面 We be putting niggas in this trunk all the time.
这是这家伙的最后一天了 This the last day this motherfucker's alive, man.
见鬼，别杀我 Oh, Shit! Don't kill me!
- 见鬼 - 什么 - Oh, shit. - What?
噢，雷尔 Oh, Rell!
雷尔的表弟，操 Rell's cousin! Fuck!
记得拿钥匙 Make sure you got your keys.
事情是这样的 Here's the deal, man.
这里这个人，他偷了你的猫 This nigga right here? He stole your cat.
就是他 That's him.
我们从他手上把你的猫弄回来了 We just got your cat back for you.
这谎言太伤人了 That is a hurtful lie!
哟，切达 Yo, Cheddar.
那是胡尔卡 That's Hulka.
特朗克和巴德就是从他的公寓 把猫偷走的 That's whose apartment that Trunk and Bud stole the cat from.
他可能想把他偷回去 He probably tryin' to steal him back.
那不是我家，是他们家 Yo, it wasn't my place! It was their place!
- 没错 - 就是那样 - There you go. - That's what happened.
你的女孩知道怎么回事 Your girl know what's up.
钥匙给我，钥匙给我 Give me the keys. Give me the keys.
你不用... You don't need to...
切达，听着 Cheddar. Look,
我都不知道你记不记得 I don't even know if you remember this.
我在酒吧见过你一次，胡尔卡，胡尔卡 I met you at the club once. Hulka. Hulka.
听着，伙计 Look, come on, man--
杀了这混蛋 Kill this motherfucker.
- 什么？不 - 杀了他？ - What? No! Come on, man! - Kill him?
结束他的生命，让这家伙消失？ Like, end his life so the motherfucker expires?
从他的身体里夺走他的灵魂？ Take the soul out of his body?
但我们不能那么做，我告诉你为什么 But we can't do that, and I'll tell you why.
因为我们没枪 Because we don't have a gun.
- 我们没有枪 - 所以不行 - We ain't got no guns. - That's why.
这... This...
- 谢谢 - 非常感谢 - Thank you. - Appreciate it.
- 谢谢你的枪 - 非常感谢 - Thanks for the gun. - I really appreciate it.
你真懂规矩，所以我尊重你，切达 You looking out, and that's why I respect you, Cheddar.
真是有效率 That was efficient as fuck. Um...
嘿，你知道吗，技术狂 Hey, you know what, Techtonic?
那是什么 What's that?
交给你了 Do the honors, dawg.
你他妈还真贴心 You one considerate motherfucker.
- 我会尽力的 - 快点动手 - I do what I can, dirt. - Just do it!
不不，求你不要 No, no, please don't!
别杀我，别开枪，我不想死 Don't kill me. Don't shoot me! I don't want to die.
我只想造摩托车 Come on, I just want to build motorcycles,
在业余时间当个特技骑手 and be a stunt man in my spare time, yo!
天啊，我不想这样 Oh, God, I didn't want this.
雷尔，雷尔 Rell, Rell.
别啊兄弟 Come on, bro.
快动手 Fucking do it.
做不到 Can't do it!
你们的枪比我的多躲了 And you have many more guns than I do.
这把也给你吧 So, I give you this one.
你们不是艾伦镇来的 Y'all ain't from fuckin' Allentown.
我早就知道 Fuckin' knew it.
这是种感觉 In a sense,
我们不都是艾伦镇来的吗 aren't we all from Allentown?
不过乔治·迈克尔是个 真正的黑人，对吧 George Michael is a real nigga, though, right?
他不是黑人，我撒谎了 He's not black. I lied about that.
他不是黑人，我道歉 He is not black, and I apologize.
不是吧 Nah!
他确实一直都是 And he probably had a fuckin' father figure
一个父亲的形象 the whole fuckin' time.
我不能那样说 I can't speak to that.
我私底下并不认识他 I don't know the man personally.
贱人，闭嘴 Bitch, shut the fuck up!
不准说话 You don't get to talk!
你们话太多了 Y'all talk too damn much.
- 我话不多 - 什么 - I don't talk that much. - What?
干掉这家伙 Take this nigga out.
不，求你了 No! Please!
别在我们面前，求你了 别在我们面前动手 Not in front of us. Please, not in front of us.
噢 Oh.
还把我从车里拉出来？谢谢 Just taking me out from the trunk? Oh, thank you.
放上我们的车 And put him in our trunk.
不是吧 Aw, man.
好了，好了 Okay. Okay.
总比被打死好，对吧 Well, anything better than being shot, you heard?
噢，我说错了，不不不 Right? Oh, I stand corrected! No, no, no!
不不不 No, no, no!
噢，太恶心了 Oh, this is fucking gross!
这太... Oh, this is fuckin'...
混蛋 Motherfucker!
- 我叫雷尔 - 我叫克拉伦斯 - So, my name is Rell. - And I am Clarence.
听着 Look.
你们两个蠢货跟我们走 You two morons is coming with us.
不管是不是艾伦镇来的，今天 你们都要去我的艾伦镇 Allentown or not, y'all gonna be my Allentown niggas today.
要是干傻事你们就死定了 You do anything stupid, and you're fuckin' dead.
好 - Okay. - Yep.
毫无疑问 That goes without saying at this point.
这枪离我脑袋太近了 That gun is so close to my head.
有那个必要吗？ Is that necessary?
欢迎来到我家，伙计们，感觉怎么样 Welcome to my home, guys. How you doing?
来点什么？啤酒？红酒？白酒？女人？ Anything? Beer, wine, liquor, girls?
视频游戏？ Videogames?
不要？ No?
培根迪亚兹 Bacon Diaz.
我听说你也很有钱 I heard you had a baller crib,
但这里绝对是他妈的梦幻庄园 but this is practically Neverland fuckin' Ranch out here.
谢谢，谢谢 Thank you. Thanks.
这是谁啊 Who the fuck is...
是他们 That's them.
那是他们？ That's them?
艾伦镇黑人 The Allentown niggas.
幻影托马斯？ Los Phantomas?
对，就是他们杀了你表亲 Yep. They the ones that killed your cousin.
我们是来拿赏金的 And we here to collect the bounty.
等等 Wait--
这些家伙不可能是幻影托马斯 No fuckin' way these guys could be the Phantomas, man.
他们就跟影子一样 They're like shadows, man.
他们就跟夜魇一样，知道吗 They're like the boogeyman and shit, you know?
- 你说得对 - 好眼力 - No, you're right. - Good eye.
我只是想拿回我的猫 But what happened was I was trying to get my cat.
- 那是他的猫 - 他叫基努 - That's his cat. - And his name is Keanu.
就是这只猫 It's this cat right there!
伊格雷西亚斯？ Iglesias?
那是我表弟的猫 That's my cousin's cat.
他们干掉了他？ They took him?
谁？谁？ Who? Who?
见鬼，有人要擦屁股了 Oh, shit. Somebody's getting an ass whippin'.
- 我们走，快 - 好 - Let's go. Come on! - Yeah!
该死的，他们果然弄死了他 God damn right, they had him.
- 我们没有 - 不 - We did not have him. - No.
不不不，不是这样的 No, no, no. There's no way, sir.
那家伙是在自己家门口被发现的 That cat just was found on his doorstep.
那只猫叫基努 That cat's name is Keanu.
- 因为就是我给他取得名字 - 已经好几个月了 - I know because I named him. - And has been his for months.
这里面巧合太多 It's too much of a coincidence...
所以是他们？ So, it was them?
对，就是他们 Shit, yeah, it was them.
不，不是我们 No! No, it was not us.
我们到底有没有成交？ Do we got a deal or what?
成交 Deal.
成交，那为什么是交易？ Deal. Why is it a deal?
别做交易，不是我们干的 Don't make the deal, because we're not those guys.
给他们看 Show them.
我等会再杀你 Give me a second before I kill you.
天啊 Oh, God!
不是吧 Come on, man!
为什么每个人都这么毛躁嘛 Why is everybody being hasty?
拿上伊格雷西亚斯 Get Iglesias.
喔，等等 Whoa. Wait a minute.
这只猫不是我留着吗 I was thinking I would hold on to the cat.
好吧，问题就在这 Okay. See, there's a problem with that,
因为伊格雷西亚斯属于我的家庭 because Iglesias belongs to my family.
我想把他送给我阿姨 I wanna give him to my aunt,
这样他就能有点东西 来怀念我表弟 so she can have something to remember my cousin by.
知道吗 You know?
这件事没得谈 So, that's non-negotiable.
专门坏事 Deal breaker.
坏事的 Deal breaker.
别想太久，小子 Don't think too long, kid.
别想太久 Don't think too long.
好吧，老人家 Aight, Papi.
听我说 Look here, man.
天啊 Oh, God.
底线是... Bottom line is...
干掉这混蛋 Light this bitch up!
斯蒂奇 Stitches!
需要帮忙吗 You need help?
不 Nah!
雷尔，雷尔，看 Rell, Rell! Look, look!
他们在交流 They're communicating.
没子弹了，没子弹了 I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!
我给你 I got you!
太棒了 Awesome!
我知道，对，噢 I know. Yeah. Oh.
嗨C Hi-C!
抓住猫 Get the damn cat!
- 抓住猫 - 操 - Get the damn cat! - Fuck!
不，雷尔，喔 No, Rell! Whoa!
嘿，你会死的 Hey! You will die!
那就掩护我啊 Then get my back.
别跟我说你想翻墙 Don't tell me you just tried to flip,
因为你摔倒了，蠢货 'cause you flopped, stupid!
猫给我 Give me the cat.
- 猫给我 - 不，基努 - Give me the cat. - No! Keanu!
来吧，伊格雷西亚斯 Come on, Iglesias.
回家咯 Who's going home?
回家咯，回家 Going home, home...
雷尔，不，为什么 Rell... No! Why!
他抓走基努了 He's got Keanu!
他抓走基努了
他去哪了 Where'd he go?
我们走 Let's go.
我来了，伊格雷西亚斯，我们走，好 I got you, Iglesias. Here we go. Okay.
曼尼，开门，开门 Manny, open the car. Open the car.
我拿到伊格雷西亚斯了 I got Iglesias.
走，走，走 Go, go, go.
你去哪？ Where are you going?
- 你家 - 我家？ - Your house! - My house?
你在干什么？ What are you doing?
什么？雷尔 What? Rell!
雷尔，你不会开车 Rell, you can't drive!
难以置信 Unbelievable. What...
- 我会打死你 - 操 - I'll shoot you! - Oh, fuck!
你才不会打死司机 You ain't gonna fuckin' shoot the driver!
你干什么？ What are you doing?
见鬼 Oh, shit!
没错，混蛋 Yeah, motherfucker!
操，小心 Oh, fuck! Look out!
我都不知道怎么开车 I don't even know how to fuckin' drive!
我来了，雷尔 I'm coming, Rell!
操 Oh, fuck!
我抓着换挡杆干什么？ Why did I grab a stick shift?
喔 Whoa...
该死 Oh, shit!
操 Fuck, yeah!
见鬼 Oh, shit!
噢 Oh...
对不起，对不起 Sorry! I'm sorry.
天啊 Oh, my God!
好，他在这 Okay, here he is.
你逃不掉了 You're not getting away from me!
红灯，闯红灯 Red light! Coming through the red light!
哟 Yo!
喔 Whoo!
天啊，雷尔，你在干什么？ Oh, my God, Rell! What are you doing?
现在右转 Right now. Turn around.
见鬼 Shit!
操 Fuck!
你没事吧，基努？ You okay, Keanu?
我们为什么要闯红灯？对不起对不起 Why are we going through red lights? I'm sorry! Sorry!
我听不到你说话，兄弟 I can't fuckin' hear what you're saying, bro!
听我说 Listen to me!
见鬼 Oh, shit!
噢 Oh!
好痛啊 That fuckin' hurts!
好了，好了 Okay, okay.
基努 Keanu!
过来 Come here.
过来，基努 Come here, Keanu.
过来，猫咪，猫咪 Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
- 给我过来 - 操 - You come here! - Fuck!
我要揍你脑袋 I'ma punch you in the head.
啊 Ah...
噢 Oh...
- 好，好 - 放开我 - Yes! Yes! - Get him off me!
干掉那混蛋，基努 Get that bitch, Keanu!
见鬼 Oh, shit!
噢 Oh!
噢 Oh...
操 Fuck.
噢 Oh...
基努 Keanu!
噢，伙计 Oh, man.
你当然还活着 Of course you're alive.
什么 What?
你他妈屁股里还有一把枪吗？ You got a-fuckin'-nother gun in your ass?
什么？ What?
见鬼 Shit!
谁他妈教你开车的 你这开车屎一样的混蛋 Who the fuck taught you how to drive, you bad-driving bitch?
我不会开车 I don't drive.
他会 He does.
- 噢 - 喔 - Oh... - Whoo!
- 我的好兄弟 - 我撞到他了 - That's my cousin! - I got him!
克拉伦斯，你做到了，操，你做到了 Clarence, you did it, man! Fuck, you did it, cuz!
太牛逼了 That was so fuckin' badass!
谢谢 Oh, thanks, man.
- 我找不到基努了 - 基努，见鬼 - I can't find Keanu! - Keanu! Shit!
天啊，噢 God, ow.
你们怎么回事啊 What the fuck is wrong with you?
想用我孩子的车杀我 Trying to kill me with my kid's car!
不 No.
我是不死的 I'm unkillable.
怎么回事 What the fuck?
本来应该我是老大的 Blips was supposed to run this game, man.
我们应该拥有这座城市 We supposed to own this city.
可都被你们毁了 你们毁了一切 And y'all fuckin' ruined it. Y'all fucked everything up.
我丢了我的钱 I lost my money.
丢了我的猫 I lost my cat.
但我还是会把我的东西拿回来 I still gotta get mines, though.
用我知道的唯一方式 The only way I know how.
切达 Cheddar!
你被捕了 You're under arrest.
什么？ What?
贱人，你又不是警察 Bitch, you ain't no fuckin' cop.
对，我他妈就是警察 Oh, yes, I am a fuckin' cop.
放下武器 Put your weapon down.
现在放下武器 Now drop your weapons!
特朗克，放下 Trunk, drop it.
放地上？ On the ground?
对，放地上 Yes, motherfucker, on the ground.
斯蒂奇 Stitches,
放下 drop it.
行 Yeah.
巴德 Bud.
你不会的，C Not you, C.
你会杀了我？ You gonna kill me?
所有这些大家庭的鬼话？ All this Bliptown family shit?
结束了 It's over.
切达，你被捕了 Cheddar, you're under arrest.
举起手来 Put your hands up.
我会开枪的 I will shoot you.
别背对我 Don't turn your back on me.
去你的，贱人 Fuck you, bitch!
举起手来 Get your hands up!
- 我是警察 - 举起手来 - I'm a cop! - Hands up!
- 我是警察 - 趴下 - I'm a cop! - Get on the ground!
跪下，手放头上 Get on your knees. Hands behind your head.
- 手举起来 - 马上 - Let me see 'em! - Now!
跪下 On your knees!
快点，跪下 Now! On your knees!
基努 Keanu!
得抱着他，雷尔 Go get him, Rell.
是我，你没事吧 It's me. You all right?
受伤了吗？受伤了吗？ Are you hurt? Are you hurt?
我爱你 I love you.
我们回家了 We're gonna go home.
好了，我们没事了，我们走了 All right. We're good. We're gonna go.
什么？ What?
- 等等，不，呆在车上 - 为什么？怎么了？ - Wait, no. Stay in the car! - Why? What's going on?
因为这里有一群死人 Because there's a bunch of dead people out here, that's why.
- 亲爱的，你打了他的脸 - 对 - Honey! You punched him in the face! - Yeah.
你打了他的脸 You punched him in the face.
我要你现在就操我 I need you to fuck me right now.
好，呆在车上 Okay. Stay in the car!
呆在车上 Right now. Stay in the car.
噢，没错 Oh, yes!
真是一团糟 Well, this was a fuckin' mess.
说说看 Tell me about it.
我知道你需要这个 Hey, I know you need this back.
他能行的 He's keepin' his.
- 雷尔 - 你做的很好 - Rell. - You're doing good work.
你走之前我们需要谈谈几件事 We need to talk about a few things before you go.
但首先我向你介绍一下 盖洛威警官 But first let me introduce you to Officer Galloway
和邓恩警官 and Officer Dunn.
噢，真棒 Oh, snap!
对，你还活着 Right. You're alive.
- 很抱歉 - 是啊 - Sorry about that. - Yeah.
我很开心 I had a fantastic time.
真奇怪 That's weird.
嗯哼 Mmm-hmm.
- 安娜·法里斯呢？ - 她还活着 - What about Anna Faris? - Well, she's still alive.
我们一直都会请名人帮我们办案 We hire celebrities all the time to help us with cases.
比如奥尼尔或者斯蒂芬·西格尔 Like Shaq or Steven Seagal.
不是吧 No shit.
我就让你们聊聊那件事吧 I'm gonna let you two talk about that other thing.
嗯 Mmm.
那件事？ "That other thing"?
我喜欢这说法 Ooh. I like the sound of that.
你需要我执行什么绝密任务吗？ So, what, do you need me for some kind of top-secret mission or something?
不，没有绝密任务 No. No top-secret missions goin' on.
但我们需要谈谈你的行为 But we need to talk about your behavior.
你知道我只想要回我的猫 You know I just wanted my cat back.
我知道，你找到他了 I know. And you got him.
基努真可爱 Keanu's a cutie.
见鬼，嗨C Damn, Hi-C.
帕克，特瑞娜·帕克 Parker. Trina Parker.
特瑞娜·帕克 Trina Parker.
我还是喜欢嗨C I kind of liked Hi-C.
她也喜欢你 Well, she kind of liked you, too.
那么...噢 Well... Ow.
也许我们该去个地方 Maybe we should go somewhere.
也许是的 Maybe we should.
直接去监狱 Right to jail.
喔 Whoa...
嗯哼 Mmm-hmm.
也是 That makes sense.
可能我违反了很多法律 Broke a lot of laws, probably.
别担心，我会为你作证的 Don't worry. I'll testify on your behalf.
- 替我看着他？ - 我会的 - Watch him for me? - I will.
记住，雷尔 And just remember, Rell.
你的行为是有后果的 There's consequences to your actions.
嘿 Hey.
你的行为也会有后果 There's consequences to your actions
因为你一会就回有麻烦 because you gonna be in trouble in a second.
- 是吗 - 没错 - Oh, yeah? - Hold up. Yeah.
我会找你去约会 I'm gonna take you on a date.
- 好 - 噢，我腿上中枪了，噢 - Okay. - Ow. I'm shot in the leg. Ow!
噢，噢，噢 Ow, ow, ow!
准备好出发了吗，基努 You ready to go, Keanu?
你真可爱 You're a cutie.
难怪他为你这么拼 I can see why he did all of that for you.
救命 Help!
救我 Help me!
救命啊 Help me!
谢天谢地 Oh, thank God.
哟，杀了它，杀了它 Yo, kill it! Kill it!
好痛啊，你都感觉不到 It hurts so bad, you don't even know.
（六个月后）
其实也不是那么差 Hasn't even been that bad, really.
克拉伦斯跟我杀了艾伦镇兄弟 Clarence and I, having killed the Allentown brothers
我们都被这的人当成英雄 has us kind of lookin' like crime heroes or somethin'.
根本不需要改变声音什么的 We don't even have to change our voice or anything.
见到你真好 Mostly it's just good to see you.
我爱你，基努 I love you, Keanu.
还有多久？ How much longer?
还有三个星期，宝贝 就这么久，21天 Three more weeks, baby. That's it. 21 days.
然后你会对我做什么？ And what are you gonna do to me?
我要用这胡子... I'm gonna take this moustache and I'm just gonna go like...
摩擦你的脖子 Gonna rub it all over your neck.
- 把胡子放这... - 我要用我的胡子... - Moustache in here... - I'm gonna put my 'stache
摩擦那里，我要... right in there. I'm just gonna...
嘿，别锤玻璃 Hey! Quit poundin' on the glass.
对不起，我道歉 I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.
不过那是为我妻子 那是爱的拳头 That's my wife, though. That was a love pound.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
谢谢你照看他 Thanks for watching him.
不客气 No problem.
他就像家庭成员 He's like one of the family.
不过我确实有消息告诉你 I do have some news for you, though.
什么 What?
我带基努去看兽医了 I took Keanu to the vet.
他得了种罕见的疾病 He has a rare disease.
噢不 Oh, no.
他会永远是只小猫咪 He's gonna be a kitten forever.
怎么了，混蛋 What's going on, motherfuckers?
好，走了，守规矩 Okay. Let's do this. Let's hold this shit down, guys.
我才不会乱来 I'm not fuckin' around.
你说话了吗？ You say somethin'?
（导演：彼得·阿腾西奥）
（剧终，谢谢欣赏）